


The Scarring of Steel[On Hiatus]

by TheCay



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adventure, Alive Lexa, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clexa, Commander Lexa, Death, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Prophecies, The 100 Alt. Season 3, Trust, War, clexakru - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-05 10:45:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6701677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCay/pseuds/TheCay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post season 2- Clarke is on the run and has left a developing people behind in Camp Jaha. Her actions in Mt. Weather has had a great impact on both the Sky People and the Grounders and now the threat of war and something mysterious is hanging in the air. What are these prophecies and can all be saved? (Clexa, spoilers for season 1, 2, 3)</p><p>UPDATE: As much as I just fucking LOVE this story, and I love thinking of new ideas for it, as you can see, I haven't updated it in quite some time. I thought I should just fix this right away, so I am putting this story on Hiatus. Thank you all for reading it, perhaps one day, I will have the will to continue this once more.</p><p>Thanks!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mother is Near

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is Cay here, AKA Leopard Cay, AKA Neko to few... I got a new fic for you!  
> I started writing this after the Unspeakable and it was posted on FanFiction.net originally under the same title. At the time of posting this, 7 chapters are already up on that site too, so I will be posting them all directly. I'm crap at HTML, so.... you'll see. This is my first 100 fic, Clexa because it's my OTP and... Have fun. I'll see you at the end of chapter seven.

Chapter one: Mother is Near  
-  
One would think that after completing their mission and winning the war you would celebrate; celebrate for the choices you've made to get to this point, celebrate for everyone you've saved and also celebrate the ones who offered themselves for the greater good. It's a simple concept; enjoy the peace you've earned through war and pain, enjoy what you deserved through suffering before. Very simple indeed. Yet one needn't look far until they could see that this concept didn't suit every soul. Some souls would feel their shoulders being forced down towards the ground by weights heavier than elephants, heavier than stone and heavier than the bodies of those who had been sacrificed. One of these people would be Clarke Griffin. She had won a war, defeated her enemy and saved her own… yet celebrating was the last thing to enter her mind. Her head had been empty of any joyous emotion or thought for some time, except in the solitary moments, where her thoughts torment her of all she had accomplished; remembering miniscule moments, that at the time were overlooked, was now bittersweet memories. Yes, for two months now she had been feeling next to no joy because of her actions. During this time, she had changed. A lot. Anyone who would do what she had done would change. Maybe not a lot straight away, but as time went on, change they would. It may be a change in attitude, night terrors or personality differences, but the change was inevitable. 

She woke up with a start, her breath hitched in her throat, dry from the cold air. Her hair was a mess, yet the sunshine still softly reflected off its golden locks. The clothes she wore differed from her more known attire; pants made of hide, soft and smooth, a deep, dark brown and engraved by threads in the form of tribal patterns. Her hands were partly covered by leather gloves, only the top half of her fingers sticking out from the dark coloured material. Her upper body wore a thick and sturdy leather jacket, with straps across her midsection, yet a large opening to expose her neck. She did not have many pockets, only two; one on the side of her jacket and one by her chest. The rest of her storage compartment consisted of straps made to hold daggers and buttons to hold certain pouches and flasks. 

Her attire was a large contrast from where she began. Where only a few moments ago she could recall wearing her simple leather jacket and blueish grey shirt, but now she wore these grounder clothes. She realised quickly enough the reason behind this, she was back in the real world now, and thankfully, what had just transpired had not been real. Or had it been? 

The nightmare; the same one she had been having every single night since she had left the mountain, still haunted her. But, it was not only the nights that plagued her mind, it was the days too. Everything she saw would remind her of the choices she had made. A bush would remind her of Trikru, the old allies of her people. A fallen old tree would remind her of the Ark; of how they had torn down the forest by crashing from space. Stumbling upon an old and cracked concrete wall or structure, in the midst of the thick woods, she would be reminded of Mount Weather, and all the lives she had been forced to take, to save her own. Simple things, broken and ripped branches, old and bare animal bones, these evoked memories of the Panau, or more specifically Lexa who had been there.-   
No; she would not go there. Some memories were harder than others, and this one would become the catalyst to worse ones. She stopped herself and her thoughts, yet it did nothing to stop the ball of bile from climbing her throat, and the accompanying rage rising from her chest. She had trusted the Commander. She could even admit to admiring her, to liking her and maybe feeling something for her… perhaps... No, definitely not. If only, she had got more time to get over the memory of Finn. If only, the treacherous, grounder leader hadn’t broken their alliance, their friendship, and Clarke's hope, for both a better life and the safety of her friends. If only, she hadn’t betrayed her; she could’ve given the ruthless leader a chance. A proper friendship and bond would have bloomed. Yet, she had turned her back on her and all they could have been. But, Clarke of course knew that Lexa had done everything right. She had made the right choice for her people. If Clarke had been offered that very same proposition, she too would have taken it, to save her own. What leader could say no to the guaranteed safety of their people?  
Yet, she felt so utterly betrayed, so very torn and broken. She felt nothing but pain over what had transpired. She had trusted the Commander with her and her people’s safety, with her worries and concerns and in return Lexa had trusted her, shared with her personal things about herself. Things like her past pains and pressing concerns. Things like having a particular liking to Clarke herself. Yet, she turned her back on her, and that was what hurt. That, along with the pain she bore from killing an entire civilization, just to get her friends back, consumed her. Was it really worth it? No… Probably not. Out here alone, at times she was certain it was not. But that was the choice she had gone with. She bears it, so her people don’t have to.  
Once again it had been Lexa’s fault, she told her of the burdens of a leader, and if not for her betrayal, she would’ve been fine. She wouldn’t have been feeling this immense guilt. Or probably not at least, she had memories that followed her long before she met Lexa.

Clarke stood up on her shaky legs and scanned her surroundings with careful eyes. Within the two months she had spent blindly wandering through the woods, she had learned more than what one would think. She could recognise several animal prints by now and could quickly spot signs for imminent weather changes, as well, finding prints of things from the distant past that she could use. There were a stunning amount of old car wrecks, bunkers and train tunnels to use. With the Reapers now gone, the forest was the safest it has ever been. But that did not mean there were no dangers; creatures of the wild still lurked in the shadows and around trees, threatening to harm anyone at any second.   
Upon finishing her quick, yet thorough scan of the area, Clarke finally turned and officially started her day by climbing up a thick and sturdy old tree. She dug her nails into the bark and felt it threaten to peel beneath her thin fingers, but she didn’t let it have the satisfaction of making her fall. She flung herself up quickly, and using the momentum of the first leap she almost ran up the tree. She reached a big tree branch quickly enough and grabbed onto it before gingerly dragging herself up onto it. From up here, she could observe the forest floor below with ease. Her ocean blue eyes scanned the ground cautiously, looking for any and all threats she might’ve missed. She didn’t know why, but it felt like she had missed something, as if something had in fact visited her during the night hours. She huffed as she once again had found nothing and averted her gaze away from the forest floor and upwards. She now searched through the thick rust and grey coloured tree branches, above and around her, coated with all shades of green, and lately, reds, yellows and oranges had started to make their appearance. 

She knew why; endless classes on the Ark had made sure of that. It meant fall was coming, and it was coming soon. It wasn’t just the leaves indicating the change of seasons. It was getting colder each day that went by as well, but these things were the only facts she knew from her classes in the sky. But no words or images could tell her of the chill in her spine, the dryness of the crisp fall air and the sound of crunching leaves under her feet. The way the forest sounded, looked and even smelled different. It smelled less sweet than it did in the summer, more wooden and dry. The entire forest changed gradually, then all at once; the trees seemingly communicating to match up with the seasons… It was spectacular to see.   
But she knew that there wasn’t much time until the clouds and cold would build up enough to cause snowfall. The first snowfall she would ever see. The thought made her excited, tense and joyful, but also frightened. She wouldn’t be able to fend off the cold living like she did now, and she couldn’t possibly go back to Camp Jaha. Not after all that she’s done…

A sudden rustle above dragged Clarke away from her thoughts and her head snapped to the branches above. There, a few branches away was something that hadn’t been there earlier. Only a few metres above, a branch had twisted and been broken. It now hung desperately onto its last remains of life through a slim thread of its own bark. It had just been broken as it still waved in the wind, still going along the motion it had been subjected to. Judging by the thickness of the wood, whatever had been on it couldn’t have weighed much more than herself.  
She moved up the tree slowly, cautiously. She had understood quickly upon leaving Camp Jaha that she would be safer in the trees than on the ground, yet she never could find much comfort in sleeping above the ground. The thought of rolling over in her sleep and falling out of the tree made sure to haunt her whenever she thought of it, yet besides that, most of her waking hours were spent within the tree crowns, thus she had been forced to learn fast what kinds of branches could take her weight or not. Or well, mostly. Some branches of course you just simply could not tell if they would hold or not, she’d discovered that the hard way, gaining quite a few cuts and bruises from unexpected falls.  
Upon reaching the higher treetops, she found something she could not recognise. A scratch mark in the bark was there, or rather the bark was missing in the form of a scratch mark. It was as if someone had taken several swords or daggers and peeled it off the flesh of the tree. She put up her hand and softly ran her fingers along the coarse surface. It tickled her soft and sensitive fingertips, tingling her sense of feeling.  
Suddenly something stung the tip of her finger and she could not help but to gasp quietly. She retracted her hand from the tree trunk quickly and looked at the finger that now had a burning sensation coursing through it. She could see a light contour of something pointy just beneath her skin, but before she could properly make an assumption about what it was she heard a growl and rustle behind her. She felt her muscles freeze and turned around slowly only to let her eyes land on a black and hairy shape on another branch a few metres away. Its ears were large, its paws big and snout long. The cold, brown eyes of the creature looked at her curiously and intently. Her blood was frozen in her veins, despite her heart rate increasing. Her spine tingled with shivers and her muscles were stiff as she recognised the creature from images she had seen on the Ark.

A bear cub.

The blonde swallowed a lump of nervousness in her throat and started moving slowly, her hand reaching for a sharp stone in her boot that she had been using for a knife, but was stopped from doing so as the movement peaked the bear’s curiosity further. It let out a huff and started moving closer to Clarke on the branch, and it did so quickly. It jumped over to the branch the blonde was perched upon, her back being pressed against the trunk. Beneath her she could hear and feel the branch struggling to keep itself up, to not break under the immense weight, but the bear did not react. It kept moving towards her. As the bear only crawled closer, panic crept into the blondes head and body, fueled by the fear for her life. In the midst of her fright, she moved quickly for her sharp stone in her boot and as the bear came just within reach, she swiped at it and created a large wound across its face. It roared in pain and stumbled off the branch, but managed to grab onto it again with the use of its claws. This was all it took though.   
With a loud snap and rustle, the branch with the cub and Clarke on it tumbled towards the ground. She could hear the wind whistling past her ears as she faced the sky, seeing the leaves, branches and clouds above distance themselves from her. It looked rather… Peaceful. She felt herself readying herself to meet her fate only to be interrupted by feeling a sharp pain on the side of her head and down to her jaw and neck. It shook her vision and senses, blurring all perception. Now instead of the calm view of the sky shrinking, she faced the ground rapidly approaching.Whatever she had hit must’ve flipped her in mid air.

She hit the ground roughly, her chest hitting the branch that had been falling just beneath her. She could feel and hear her ribs snapping and tried to cry out in pain, but since all her air had been knocked out of her only a low whistle was heard. She blinked as she tried to focus on where she was, her vision shaking from the pain. Her senses were shaking, blurred and disorientation was strong, consciousness struggling to stay where it was. Just as she was about to let her mind sleep, she felt the ground shake and her eyes forced open. She was met by the large, blurry and looming shape of an adult bear towering above her. She knew this was her time. She knew she would die here at the paws of this creature. It was over. But even if she knew that there was no way she would survive, she refused the idea of at least not trying to do something about it. She lifted her head and placed her hands underneath her to push herself up. The bear had its back turned on her, caring more about its injured cub than the human behind it. She stood up as quickly as she could, her legs shaking and hurting. She sighed quietly and hissed as her leg and ribs sent a shockwave of pain to course through her body. The pain echoed on the side of her head and she could feel how her skin had been opened and stretched from behind her ear to the edge of her eyebrow and down to her jaw and neck. Luckily it was far away from her eyes so no blood was blocking her field of view. Her breathing was laboured and heavy, it hurt at each intake of breath. She guessed that at least she must’ve broken at least two or three ribs based off the pain. Yet she couldn’t be sure without properly looking. In her hand the shape of her sharp stone could be felt. It had miraculously stayed in in her hand during the fall at the price of the palm of her hand now being cut open. She held it firmly and squeezed it lightly, the result being a trickle of blood running between her fingers before dropping to the thin brush below on the ground. A sigh escaped her lips as she prepared to take a step forward.

She carefully lifted her leg off the ground and placed it down again to approach the bear silently, but as she shifted over all her weight onto the new leg, another shockwave of pure and raw pain hit her. She cried out as her leg folded beneath her and she collapsed onto the cold and hard forest floor. The cry had awoken the bear’s attention and it turned around quickly to face the source of the noise behind it. Their eyes only met for a second before the bear let out a spine chilling roar in rage and stormed Clarke. She could only feel fear settle in her mind as she let herself close her eyes and in one final desperate attempt, she swung her arm holding the sharp stone towards the bear. She could feel it make impact with something tough as well as feel the coarse fur tickle her hand in the whisper of a touch. She heard the bear roar ferociously yet in a very laboured way. This made her open her blue eyes again out of curiosity. Out of the bear’s neck, blood was pulsing out of a deep cut. The bear’s breathing sounded laboured and it was absolutely furious, but it was growing weaker quickly. But in one final moment of rage, it stood up on its back legs and brought down a heavy and large paw onto Clarke’s head successfully. The pulsing pain and imminent fear she had been feeling was consumed quickly by pure and clean darkness.


	2. Restless

Chapter two: Restless

Pain shot through her body in flashes, suffocating, expanding, exploding. The cells of her very soul were vibrating and ripping apart, crying out against the massacre they were facing. Or at least that was what it felt like. White flashes was all she could see; blinding, refreshing, new, painful. They slowed down gradually, steadily settling into a calmer tone. Now all she could see was… green. Grass and mushrooms growing from the ground between bushes and tree trunks, insects flying curiously around them and trees towering above, their branches stretching into a calmer tone to hide the sky above. The sky that from her guesses… she had just fallen from. That must be it, yes… She could feel the hard metal door beneath her feet, see her fellow teens rushing out cheering and laughing. All joyful about being free, being on the ground, being alive.

Nature's first green is gold…

It was just as stunning the second time she saw the nature before her. She had seen the exact same thing before but it still stuck her with awe. The soft shades of leaves, grey's and rusty brown's between and the soft sunlight reflecting on the grass, bushes and leaves of trees, making them shimmer.

She could not stop the giant grin from creeping up on her face, she just felt so very happy about this. So very astonished. It was absolutely stunning. The feelings of joy flooded her senses, immense happiness like nothing she had felt before creeping into her soul and claiming her.

Her hardest hue to hold…

She laughed, and her soul laughed with her. She let out the most pleasing and happy laugh she could think of… but something was wrong. It was barely a laugh at all… for it was silent. It barely whispered of noise, barely travelled the air and barely exited her mouth at all. Worry and fear flooded her system as she started realising that all around her, the cheers of her comrades had quieted down as well. Everything was muted. Silent. Not a single whisper, wind or motion to be heard.

Fright struck her like a freight train, fear like no else and constant chills running through her very bones. It shook her, made her tremble, gave her will to scream in horror, yet she could not stop smiling, laughing and admiring the beauty before her.

Her early leaf's a flower…

'What's happening?' She tried to say, tried to mutter, scream, whisper… anything. Yet it did not come. But then… another flash. White and pure like the ones before, shaking her vision and making her shiver. They struck across her vision and forced the scenery before her to fade, and become blurred. She felt a small wave of relief hit her as the nightmarish scenario vanished before her, but she still wondered… What was happening?

Between the flashes, the lights, the thoughts and the bitter silence, she could start to make out the soft and smooth silhouette of people around and over her. Moving. Their movements seemed slow and gentle, but even in the midst of it she could clearly tell that they were rushed, moving as if in distress. Hurried and cautious. But the scene disappeared as the flashes increased, blinding her once again. The rough outlines of people dissipated in the light, claimed by the blinding lights. But before she could start fearing what was happening again, they stopped. They stopped abruptly, halting and leaving her with a blackness. A fading blackness, as yet again shapes and colours started to appear. Brown, grey, black and only a little green appeared around her as she could see a dull forest appearing. She couldn't remember ever seeing this before.

But only so an hour….

A mist sailed between the trees and bushes, dancing, enticing. Luring out anything and anyone. The silhouettes went through it. Large and small, round and thin, they were all different, all unique, yet they all shared a single thing in common.

They were haunting.

They only crept closer and closer and Clarke was terrified. She cried out and whirled around to try and find an escape from this place, an escape from what was happening… Yet she could not run, for when she turned around, all she could see was the large looming grey door of Mount Weather.

Her blood froze in her veins, yet her heart beat harder than ever before. Her muscles were stiff and felt sore, yet the adrenaline coursed through them. Everything felt so very blurry, yet she was looking right at it.

Then leaf subsides to leaf…

She turned around to face the silhouettes again, to see if they still were there and if she could get a sense of what they wanted. She cautiously turned, her eyes closed as she was afraid of what she would see. Her hair was in her face, tickling her cheeks and blocking her view, but she couldn't care less about that, she did not even notice.

When she opened her eyes again, she screamed. Her blue eyes were wide in terror at the sight before her. Hoards of people, young and old, men and women was walking right towards her. Their eyes were haunting and their voices were agonized and burning.

But the worst… their skin; red and infected, charred and peeling loose, it was horrendous. Their skin was coated with so many sores, so many wounds. It was like they didn't even have skin to begin with.

They were moaning, groaning, screaming, shouting, whimpering… every single sound you could expect from a human, they did. An orchestra; a haunted orchestra of burned and charred human beings, all in pain, all suffering.

Because of her.

She felt warm tears streak down her swollen cheeks, caressing the corners of her lips before sliding down her jawline to her chin and then finally dropping down towards the cold and the hard dirt ground beneath.

As they got closer, she could start making out the words. Pained and suffering, echoing throughout her mind more than in the air. Words begging for release, for mercy….

For vengeance.

She let out a sob as she dropped to her knees, scraping them in the process. She felt the cold ground beneath her, felt her knees sink into the mud.

So Eden sank to grief….

"I-I'm sorry…" She whimpered. Her bottom lip quivered as a sob threatened to break through. The broken people only wandered closer as they silenced. No murmurs were heard, no groans, no sighs. Only screams were heard, silent ones as they were fired from their eyes straight at Clarke. Wave after wave of threats and horror was shot straight at her, going through her, into her. Finally she could not keep it together and started sobbing uncontrollably, burying her head in her hands as she fell to her side, curled up and broken. She didn't care that her head was hurting, that the people had started walking faster towards her. She didn't even care that they had started making sounds once more. Grunts and growls, groans and sighs, cries and whimpers.

Yet, out of the midst of the horrifying display that consisted of loatheful souls, pained victims of unfair crimes, crimes she had committed, a clear path parted, and they silenced again. Their eyes still glued to the woman on the ground in pain, shock and fear. She could sense the commotion breaking up and the mood changing into something she could remember all too well.

She did her best to stop the waves of sobs as she tore herself from her hands that were blocking her view. Her breathing was shaky, her vision was blurred from the salty tears and her head hurt. Yet, she somehow managed to focus on the scene that appeared before her.

Shock entered her senses as she saw something she swore she could recognise. Towards her marched Lexa, authority in her stride, warriors and Emerson in tow. Her sobs slowed, but her tears kept falling as the respected grounder leader approached her and stopped a metre away. She looked down on Clarke, stared at her and bore her sharp green eyes into her. Behind her she could hear the heavy metal door clicking and she knew what that meant. She didn't need to turn around to realise what was happening. She could already see right in front of her how the grounder prisoners were let out into the forest.

"I'm sorry, Clarke." The Commander said, her eyes locked with Clarke's. The blonde could only stare back into the green pools, desperately searching for emotion. For regret.  
"Your people weren't a part of the deal." And with that, she fell to the ground again and sobbed loudly. She could hear Emerson walking back into the mountain, but she didn't care.  
She could hear Lexa saying "May we meet again" before leaving, but she didn't care.  
She could hear the cries of three-hundred and eight people dying, suffocating, suffering…  
But she didn't care.  
She couldn't care.  
How could she when every emotion she had kept hidden, and all the unspoken thoughts that replayed in her mind, finally left her with each passing sob?

Eventually, blackness overtook her as the last thought left her mind and abandoned her, left her empty, just like Lexa had done.

Dawn turned to day.

Like a boat on calm water, consciousness sailed back to Clarke, into her mind once more. She was confused by the sudden return of her thoughts again after nothing but silence and darkness. Now she could hear more. Everything. The gentle crackle of a burning fire, the whisper of a whistle in the breeze, rustling of leaves as they danced against each other, and the low hum of a lone fly sailing about where she was. She was lying on something soft. Something very soft. She could feel smooth strands of fur between her fingers and under her bare arms. She no longer was in her leather armour. Instead, she now seemed to wear something much lighter, softer. She could feel it brush against her skin, something smooth, she had not wore anything like it before.

She then realised someone else was in the room with her. Talking in the distance, low and steady. The voices barely whispering, but not talking out loud either. She tried to focus on the voices, to listen to the words they spoke, but then a hard and sharp wave of pain struck her, radiating from the entire side of her head down to her jaw and neck. She wanted to cry out, to whimper or groan, but all that came was a soft and shaky sigh leaving her dry and sore throat. She was too exhausted to move or open her eyes, too exhausted to make a sound. Defeat coated her mind, she hated the feeling of weakness. Why was she feeling so weak?

What had even happened to begin with?

She could still hear the hushed voices chatting close to her.

"When do you think she'll wake?" One asked. It sounded female, authoritative. She swore she could recognise it, that she had heard it somewhere else before. But because of her exhaustion and confusion over everything, her spinning thoughts… she could not place where.

"Should be soon." The other voice answered. It had a Trigedasleng drawl, heavily accented and rough, even in a whisper. Most certainly male. It reminded her of some warriors she had encountered. Warriors of the great army…

"She's been showing signs of waking for a while now. Her tombom beats stronger." It said again. Silence followed. She could feel eyes on her and it made her want to quiver, to hide, to run, to at least open her eyes. To see whom was talking about her… But she was too tired, too weak.

"Very well then." The female voice said, louder this time. No longer was it a whisper. It was clear now. It confused Clarke. Why had it changed? Had they been talking normally all this time and her head made it a whisper or did she speak up?

Another wave of pain shook her body, radiating from the very same place as the last time. She felt her entire body go numb as all she could focus on was the one point of pain. The one point of pain just beside her eyebrow. It felt as it was ripping apart, tearing her scalp off. The pain burned down as if being a fuse, down to behind her ear and further down to her jaw and neck. The pain made her want to cry or groan, but instead, this time only a very weak and almost unheard whimper escaped her dry and sore throat, to be carried along through the air in the room. As the sound had just left her only slightly opened lips and travelled across the room, everything else seemed to quiet down. The steady rustle of leaves stopped, the crackle of the warm fire, she suspected were a metre away silenced and the people who had been talking were definitely in complete and utter silence now. Muted. But was it ever truly silent in there? Was it truly quiet as a space, or was she losing her sense of hearing again? Maybe she was dead now? Was she? No, she couldn't be, the steady thumping of pain could still be felt in her head, her heart still beat in her chest steadily and her eyelids still tickled her curious eyes. But the quiet…

A sharp intake of breath was heard in the distance, from where the talking had been before. It wasn't loud. It was not loud at all, it was barely noticeable. You could've thought of something and you would've missed it. Yet Clarke had heard it perfectly fine. The next sounds to enter her ears were the ones of movement. Iron and cloth moving together along with light steps approaching where she lay. Clarke could feel her already weak breathing slow down further as her body reacted on instinct, to stay relaxed. Her heart felt like it was ready to pop out of her chest, her eyes were begging to see who was approaching her and her pain was blurred out by the nervosity of the mystery person approaching. Who could it be?

The person stopped only a foot away from where she lay and she could feel their piercing eyes staring her down. Looking at her, into her, through her, all at once. She heard the person taking light and smooth intakes of air, calm and soft. It was calming to listen to. Relaxing and soothing. With each intake of air from the one looking at her, she could feel herself calm, even starting to match the rhythm of the other person's breathing. But what she heard next stopped it all together. She could finally recognise the voice, recognise the breathing and everything that was happening.

"Do not worry Clarke… You're safe here."

Lexa. She could not hinder rage from entering her mind. How dare she? How dare she find her and take her to… to.. To where? Where was she exactly? That was the real pressing question. Where was she and how was she taken here? Why was she feeling so weak? Why did her head hurt so damn much?

Why was Lexa here?

"You should rest Clarke. No one will hurt you. When you wake, you will be stronger." She heard the Commander turn around and felt those piercing damn eyes, leaving her and she tried to growl, tried to protest and argue with her, but only half a whimper exited Clarke's lips.

She heard Lexa halt and slight movement before those eyes landed on her again.

"When you're better… We can talk. Until then, you should and will rest." The other woman ordered. Again with those light steps, she heard the brunette walking away, the noise of her armour being the only thing she heard. Clarke could not help but to internally sigh as she heard the other person leave the room too. If she hadn't been so tired, so exhausted, so very weak…. She had done all she could to protest against the Commander. But in this weakened state… there was nothing she could do. She would be forced to trust the betrayer just this once for she had no other choice. She eased her thoughts and focused on the crackle of the fire, hearing it pop and quietly roar. It soothed her, calmed her. Her last thought before she drifted into a sweet slumber was that once again, she could feel those cursed eyes on her.

Nothing gold can stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem "Nothing gold can stay" by Robert Frost
> 
> Trigedasleng Translations:  
> Tombom = Heart
> 
> All translations of my crappy Trigedasleng will be in the notes at the end of the chapter.


	3. Tell me through pain

Chapter Three: Tell me through pain

As much as she hated admitting it, Lexa had been correct. Once her mind awoke and she felt the last droplets of slumber dry out… she felt truly relaxed. She opened her eyes, something she had been too exhausted to do the previous time and was faced with the view a dark brown wooden roof. Old wooden planks going horizontally across. She took a deep breath and tried to blink away the blurred lines of the plans and everytime she blinked she felt something that was stuck on her head. What was it? It hurt a bit, but not so much. It was nothing compared to the sudden onslaught of pain that flew through her body. She cried out and brought up her hand to press it against the side of her head that was pulsing. She could feel a coarse cloth wrapped around her head which was stuck to her skin going down behind her ear and to her neck. A bandage most likely, probably protecting what she assumed was a large wound underneath. What else could it be?

She turned around to look around her, the palm of her hand still pressed against the bandage. It stung. A lot. She didn't even want to know what it looked like underneath. She couldn't tell much about where she was as she found she was practically buried in furs, therefore,

she sat up slowly to get a better view of where she was, to get some more details than a dark brown roof, but as she moved a sharp pain hit her, radiating from her chest, to just below her right breast. She started breathing shallower, taking easy and slow breaths. Broken ribs. Splendid.

Dragging the hand off the bandage on her head, she put it down in the furs she laid on and leaned on the arm for support before lifting her head to glance around her. To her right, she could see a fire pit, the embers still glowing within the burnt ashes of wood, even if the flames had stopped. The room was grey and beige with two large windows, both covered up with thick red curtains. When she looked to the other side she was faced with a nightstand just next to the cot, and beyond that a large door, a couch and a low table. She focused on the nightstand however, it had several candles on it, all lit and providing a light golden hue to encompass the room. Beside the candles stood a cup made of wood, painted a dark brown. Because of the angle she was looking at it from, she had a hard time seeing what the contents of the cup were. She tried straightening herself, to get into a better position so that she could maybe reach for it, but she was punished for it by another wave of pain. The one wave triggered another from her head and she groaned as her vision shook, blurring the contours of the objects around her. But that was when she heard clicking followed by creaking and somewhat hurried footsteps. She looked to her left towards the door to see a bearded man dressed in a green tunic approaching, brown trousers and deer furs around his neck. His right eye had a blue and faded pupil and across his nose down to his jawline ran a long scar.

He got to Clarke quickly and upon reaching her, he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back down. Panic and confusion sprung to life in Clarke and she did her best to protest and fight, yet she was too weak compared to the larger man. She whimpered and gulped.  
"N-No, what are you doing!?" She asked, watching the bearded man, fear and confusion evident in her voice.

"Rest Wanheda. If I were to defile you or hurt you, I would not simply lose my head, far worse. Be at ease." He reassured the blonde. Clarke could only gulp as she watched the man.  
"You need to relax Wanheda. You do not want to strain your head and mind." He spoke softly with his gruff and heavily accented voice. Clarke could then make the connection. She had heard that voice before. He had been the one Lexa had been speaking to before.

The man removed his large hands from Clarke's shoulders and grabbed the cup from the nightstand. He gracefully carried the cup to Clarke's lips and tilted it slightly.

"Drink." He ordered. Clarke reluctantly parted her dry lips to let the fluid leak inside and, fortunately, it was only water. She didn't trust this man, far from it. Yet she knew that if she was in danger she would be dead already. She wanted to moan in relief at the soothing feeling of cool water traveling down her dry and sore throat, moistening her mouth. How long had she been out? It must've been quite a while for her to be this thirsty.

But the water and relief that came with it ended all too soon, as the cup was removed from her lips and placed again upon the nightstand. A droplet of water ran down from between her lips to her chin before dropping down onto a thin tunic that she seemed to be wearing.

"Good." The man muttered. Clarke looked at the man curiously as he moved to do something else. He opened a pouch that hung around his hip and slipped his hand in and calmly took out two items and placed them on the furs beside Clarke. One was a roll of light brown cloth and the other a flask with some red liquid in it.

"What will you use those for?" She asked curiously, eyeing the items. The man looked at her, his brown eyes calm and reassuring. He cleared his throat before speaking again in his heavily accented voice.

"To wada klin your wound on your head, Wanheda." He spoke joint languages before he started moving towards Clarke while reaching for the bandage around her head. Yet she moved away from him and gave him a stern look.

"Why?" She asked, her voice cold. She tried copying Lexa's voice, the stoic Commander always managed to keep up quite the front when talking to others. Too bad that Clarke's eyes weren't as piercing however.

The man sighed and looked at her as he spoke slowly.  
"Heda's orders." Clarke froze, surprise showing before regaining the mask of indifference she tried to keep up. Obviously Lexa had told him to care for her. Who else would've? She eyed him, clearly not happy with the answer she had received and asked again.  
"Why?"

The man took a deep breath and looked down as if thinking thoroughly about what he should say. His brow furrowed only a little and he straightened himself.

"For you are Wanheda, and if you were to be harmed the clans would retaliate. You saved us from the Maun-de, you stopped their tyranny and now you are the Commander of Death. You command death where you walk, where you stand, where you gon raun. People want your powers, Wanheda, an-" He stopped talking, momentarily seeming to regret what he had said, but realised that it would be too late to take back the words.

"People want your powers and if you were to die or be harmed here, leaders and people would think Heda had caused it. They would think that she doubted herself, and that would lead to war. Clans would turn on each other and thousands of innocents would die. Only a fool could allow that to happen." He finished. He lifted his hand and moved it towards Clarke again who seemed to be in mild shock. She had no idea that her death could cause so much. Reluctantly, she allowed him work on her wounds this time.

She had caused so much pain and suffering already, she had killed so many people and she had not been on the ground for long. Anything she could do to make sure that more did not fall, she would, even if that meant letting a stranger sent by a betrayer work on her wounds.

It hurt as the bandage came off, sticking to the skin because of dried up blood. She winced and hissed as the last flap came off and felt the soothing breeze touch the area. It felt as her head had been ripped apart and then put back together.

The man picked up the roll of cloth and tore off a piece before opening the small flask with the mystery liquid in it and wet it. Once he had done that, he moved and pressed the small piece of fabric against the wound. Fortunately, it did not sting as much as she thought it would. It was rather nice in fact. He worked from the edge of her brow carefully, cleaning up any dried blood he could find. He worked his way up to her temple and then down behind her ear. He had to push the ear away slightly to get to the wound and Clarke hissed as he did as a wave of pain hit her from the disturbance of the sore skin. Eventually he finished up and worked down to her jawline and finally the side of her neck. When he finished, he put the small and now dirty piece of cloth away and reached for the roll, ready to put it on when Clarke stopped him.

"Wait…" She said softly as she looked at him. "Can… Can I see how it looks?" She asked, her voice shivering. She knew she'd get a scar from this, but she wanted to know how big it would be.  
The man gave her a small nod and then walked over to the low table by the torn couch. He picked up a small piece of glass that laid upon it and walked back to the blonde laying in the furs and handed the glass to her. She took it in her sensitive fingers, carefully feeling the smoothened edge of it with her fingers. She gulped and lifted it to her face to get her first look at what would be a permanent scar.

She felt her breath hitch in her throat as she laid her eyes upon it. The rough outline of a wound ran from the edge of her eyebrow to her temple before it went down, going just along her hairline before it went behind her ear, a mere centimetre away from the ear itself before it went down to her jawline and to her neck where it got thinner before stopping all together. It was red, swollen and hurt. She gulped and handed the mirror back to the man and thanked him quietly before letting him work on her wound again.

The scar would forever be the punishment for her crimes.

Lexa turned around upon hearing the door to her quarters open, even though she knew exactly who it would be. She had been expecting this meeting ever since Clarke had arrived as a guest in Polis the previous evening, and she had a mild suspicion that her most trusted advisor would not agree with her decision. Sometimes it didn't matter if you were above or below someone in the ranks, for they would seek you out no matter what. Which was the case this time.

"Ai nou get chit yu ste-"  
"Titus." The mere mention of the man's name was all it took to make him quiet. The man in the grey robe cleared his throat and straightened himself as he placed his hands behind his back.

"Heda." He spoke, his jaw tightening.  
"What did you want to speak to me about?" Lexa asked casually, watching the man curiously. Titus let his arms fall to his sides again as he walked closer to the woman who stood proudly in her heavy armour.

"We need to talk about Wanheda."

The air around them seemed to freeze into a uncanny chill at the mention of Clarke. It was a heated subject. Lexa knew all too well how Titus felt about the Sky People in general, and that included the sky princess. He had spoken about them before, about what they should do about them, but it always brought up the same outcome that would be Lexa disagreeing and walking away from the subject.

"What about her?" The Commander asked. Her voice and face was neutral, her eyes hiding her emotions like they always used to do around Titus. Her hand rested on the hilt of her sword, not out of feeling threatened, but out of habit.

"We can not keep her within these walls for long. You know what the Azgeda are doing and if they get word ab-"  
"I shall handle it then when it comes. For now, she is a guest here and the reason to why she is here should not matter to the Ice Nation." She said strictly. She could see Titus' jaw tighten, his composure stiffening.

"You know very well that it does, and with their people within our walls they can get the information they need to turn the other eleven clans against us. They will turn the entire coalition against you and you won't be able to stop it."  
Titus' words were true. She knew that. She knew every bit of what he was saying, of all the consequences and problems that would arise from this. But she could not let herself abandon Clarke a second time. She could not live with herself if she did.

"I am well aware of what could happen. As is your job as Fleimkepa to advise, I shall take onboard your concern, but... " She stated simply. She could see a small flame of rage flare up in Titus' eyes at her dismissal. He was clearly not pleased with her choices, but he would have to live with them.

"Now, I have more pressing business to attend to. I shall meet you at the summit." And with those last words, Lexa had walked past Titus and out of the room, leaving the older male there to reflect on the brief conversation.

A knock was heard on the cracked wooden doors leading into Clarke's temporary room and before the blonde could actually get up to answer it, they swung open, revealing the Commander behind them in her armour and shoulder guard with the trademark cape. Clarke found herself sitting in her bed, her back leaning against the headrest, the furs covering her abdomen and legs. Along the right side of her head and neck now ran a long and hard green crust along the wound, she wore a brown and light tunic. She looked at the Commander with lots of emotions reflecting in her head as she walked in. Hatred, sorrow, confusion and hope. All mixed together to make a moody cocktail.

"What is it now?" Clarke asked with a glare. She was mildly surprised to see Lexa wearing armour. Surely she wouldn't wear armour even during her free time?

"I said we would talk once you were better, and you're now better. I thought this would be a good time to-"  
"Do you think I want to talk to you?" Clarke spat out, cutting off the other woman. Lexa took a small breath and calmed herself. If Clarke had been someone else, Lexa would've either had her sword by their throat or had threatened them for cutting her off and showing disrespect towards her, but she knew that she deserved it. Just this once, she deserved the hatred she had helped cause.

"Because I don't. Not after what you've done."

The words seemed to echo around the room. Both had thought about it multiple times before. Both had seethed and felt sadness over it, but to hear the words actually being sent out into the air sent shivers down their spines.

"Clarke, I'm-"  
"Sorry?" Clarke whispered the word in disbelief and cut the Commander off again for the second time in a row. Lexa's mouth was still partly open, but she closed it and swallowed thickly.

"You're sorry? Like saying you're sorry would actually help…" Lexa's eyes flashed with regret and she shook her head lightly. She knew Clarke would be hurt from what she had done. She would've been too, but the way she spoke every word, the way she looked at her and the way her eyes flashed with hurt and disappointment burned into Lexa's very soul. It felt as if every second she spent in the room would bring her closer to her demise.

"I don't know what I should say Clarke." Lexa said quietly. She looked at the hurt blonde sadly, her eyes gently tracing her profile. She couldn't see the scar from where she stood as Clarke had that side turned away from her, but she knew how bad it was. The healer had informed her well about it and she felt guilty over the fact that she hadn't managed to protect the sky princess from it.

"Then how about you don't say anything?" Clarke fired. Lexa was stunned from how cold Clarke was. She knew that the girl from the sky was able to be cold towards people, she had witnessed it herself. But she never would've thought that she herself would be faced with its raw force.

"I don't want to see you again Lexa. Just leave me alone." You could hear the crack in Clarke's voice as she spoke, the way that made it seem that she regretted her words. Lexa could only give a short nod after the words had struck her. It hurt more than she would like to admit. It burned in fact. But again, she knew she deserved it.

"When I'm well enough to leave, I will. You can't keep me as a prisoner forever."

Lexa turned around and walked towards the doors. She needed an escape. She couldn't be in this place for much longer.

"Very well." She pushed one of the doors open and without looking back, she exited swiftly, leaving Clarke alone with the memory of what just had transpired.

The door to the meeting room opened suddenly and violently by heavily armed guards. Inside walked the Commander wearing full armour, shoulderguard with the trademark red half cape. A long sword rested in its sheath on her hip and intricate braids dressed her hair. She walked with long and confident strides up to her large antler throne just as an order to bow was called out. The people in the room did so, going down on their knees except… one man. He was dressed in a white tunic beneath a grey fur vest along with grey pants. A wry smile dressed his lips as Lexa looked at him, clearly perplexed. Titus who stood beside the throne looked at him sternly as he spoke.

"Why does the Ice Nation refuse to bow before almighty Heda? Why do you show such disrespect?"

"Azgeda will not bow before someone who doubts themselves."

At this the other clan representatives furrowed their brows and glanced up to see what was happening. Lexa cocked her head to her side and sat down, placing her arms on the armrests of the throne. A low "You may rise…" exited her lips to allow the ones still bowing to take a seat. She looked intently at the man, silently encouraging him to elaborate.

"We have heard you keep Wanheda within this tower." He said, putting clear emphasis on the title. A few of the other clan representatives shot curious glances to each other. They had heard nothing of the sort.  
"Only against her own will in a weakened state." He continued, raising his voice slightly. The bald man stepped forward to counter the man's claim but a raised open palm hand from Lexa halted him. She wanted to hear what the man had to say.

"I think you are keeping her here so that when your doubt finally overrules your confidence, you can strike her down and take her power." Lexa tilted her head to the other side and scanned the man with her eyes before she spoke.

"And from where have you heard this?" The brunette asked calmly.

"Rumours. Word that goes from mouth to mouth. You must've heard." He said, a smile still on his lips.

"I have not." Lexa said, her words flowing gracefully into the air. "Let me ask you this… Does Azgeda really believe rumours over the word of Heda?" She questioned. The man opened his mouth to speak, but Lexa cut him off again.  
"Or an even better question…" She leaned forward and removed her arms from the arm rests and placed them in her lap.

"Was it truly rumours of the people… or the rumours of your spies?"

At this the Azgeda representative was at a slight loss for words.

"I-I, we…"

"Do you think I am blind?" The Commander raised her voice and stood up from her throne and started taking slow steps towards the man.

"Does your Kwin really think that her spies within my staff and warriors have gone unnoticed?" She continued, still slowly getting closer and closer to him. "That the traders bring back only our wares to your nation?" She finally stopped, only thirty centimetres away from him. Her eyes glared into his, sending waves after waves of anger and threat through them. Her composure may have been calm, but her eyes were a storm. They terrified the man as they told him exactly of what he had done. He had angered Heda. He would have to pay for this.

"If she thinks me a fool, she is sadly mistaken." Her last words were almost a whisper, seething with threat. She turned her head to guards in the back and let her eyes land on one particular guard dressed in white and grey.

"You, Ice nation guard…" She spoke slowly. The guard gulped slightly as he tightened the grip of his axe but he kept his eyes on the Commander.  
"You are the new Ice Nation representative." Both the guard and the man's brows furrowed in confusion at the statement but it was made clear to everyone in the room quickly.

With a quick draw and whirl, The Commander had drawn her sword and had cleanly cut through the throat of the previous Ice Nation representative. She stood still with her sword in her hand as the the man's eyes widened and his hands flew up to his neck that was now pouring out blood. It ran through his fingers as he struggled to breathe and he quickly fell to his knees and after onto his side on the floor. Dead.

The Commander raised her head as she sheathed her now bloodied sword and walked back to her throne to take a seat. The guards posted at the door walked dutifully up to the now bled-out man on the ground and carried his limp body out.

"Anyone else doubt me over rumours?" She asked, eyeing the room. None of the others met her gaze and looked away. The corner of her lip tugged only a little and she leaned back into her throne.

"Good… Then let's get started, shall we?"

The door opened suddenly and abruptly, ripping Clarke away from her sleeping state. Footsteps were heard, loud and clear and they made Clarke's head snap in the direction of the door. She found herself in the worn and pale beige couch in the room that was surprisingly soft still even after all these years.  
Clarke sat up quickly just in time to see a guard enter the room, a large battle axe in his hand and heavy armour hanging from his shoulders. She furrowed her brow, feeling the hard crust of hardened healing paste move and drag her skin. She flinched at the short jolt of pain hitting her at the movement but shrugged it off just as quickly as it came. The feeling of confusion she felt quickly changed to disbelief and anger as behind the guard Lexa followed, wearing the same armour as before. Her face was stoic and neutral as usual, her composure showing nothing but determination.

Anger boiled within Clarke's chest, making her feel the familiar sensation of burning in her throat. She stood up hastily to meet the Commander, but flinched as she made the damaged ribs in her chest move. She took a shaky breath as she struggled to suppress the pain and hide it.

"I thought I said that I didn't want to see you." She said, her voice dripping with anger. Lexa had stopped by the door next to the guard and looked at Clarke intently.

"That was before I was made aware of a certain issue."  
Clarke's brow furrowed slightly in confusion and let her eyes meet Lexa's only to find the green pools stare back at her, burning into her head. They were as emotionless as her expression, showing no weakness. It made Clarke long to see the glimmer and shine of happiness she had seen in the cage when the Pauna attacked, the twinkle of weakness when she backed Lexa up against a table and the sparkle of hope and bravery she had seen when Lexa had leaned forward to kiss her.

"We must give you a better reason to be here." Lexa spoke softly, she seemed a bit stressed with her eyes darting away from Clarke's and her rapid blinking.

"What?" The fact that Clarke didn't understand what Lexa had meant with her sentence didn't help and now her face only read confusion. What did she mean with a better reason? Was she not here because of her injuries? Or well so Lexa and the healer had said.  
The Commander sighted quietly before muttering a low "Gon we." to the guard who dutifully left the room, leaving the two women alone.

"You being here puts my life and many others in grave danger, so I mu-"

"Why can't you just let me go then?" Clarke cut Lexa off. The grounder leader still had her mouth partly open, the tips of her teeth peeking out just between her lips. The mouth closed quickly before she swallowed thickly and let her expression soften slightly, but only for a mere moment.

"I can't." She muttered, her voice lower than it had been before. Clarke took an uneasy step towards the other woman, trying to study her better, trying to tell what she was feeling.

"Why?" She asked, still feeling the boiling anger within her wanting to be released, but a quick glimmer of emotion in the Commander's eyes stopped her. A quick and short flash of worry and concern.

"You're Wanheda. People want to kill you for your power so they too can command death where they stand an-"  
"Then let them." Clarke murmured. Lexa looked downwards briefly hiding her eyes. Her head shook softly as she glanced back up, her eyes locking with Clarke's. They were different now. They weren't the cold and endless pools of nothing, instead they were gleaming with concern.

"I can't do that." She said, sounding almost like she was sorry. It was like she regretted saying those words.

"Why not then?" The blonde was curious to what Lexa's reason was, to why she wouldn't let her go. Why wouldn't she just accept that she didn't want to see or be reminded of Lexa ever again?

"I… For it would cause endless wars. Thousands of people dying over nothing bu-"

"Of course. Always about your people and duty." Clarke spat out. Lexa's face writhed into first confusion and then to anger, her eyes storming hurricanes burning into Clarke's ocean blue once she understood where the blonde was taking this, but said blonde only continued.

"The coalition comes first. Have you ever thought about the people outside of the twelve clans? Or maybe the innocents within the clans? The innocents of your enemies?" Lexa remained stiff as she let Clarke speak. She knew she deserved every single word of what was being said, but that didn't stop the flaming rage being sparked inside her.

"Did you ever really stop to think of the children inside that mountain who had to die because you left me there?" Clarke's breathing became shaky as tears had begun to form in the corners of her eyes. Lexa felt her anger calming down at the sight. Clarke wasn't what she thought. She was just broken and traumatised from what had happened, traumatised to the point where she kept reliving her actions. Guilt swept over Lexa and hit her like a Tsunami. She had caused this. She had caused every single drop of pain that Clarke was currently feeling.

"I… I had to k-kill all of those people…" she stuttered. Her eyes had fallen from the Commander's and now rested on the floor below. Lexa had seen what would happen next before it actually did, therefore she shot forward to catch the sky princess upon her fall. She landed on her knees and held Clarke close by wrapping her arms around her. Sobs broke through and rocked the two violently, but the brunette only kept holding onto the crying woman.

"Let go off me!" The blonde suddenly exclaimed, trying to rip herself away from the Commanders vice grip, but the arms around her would not budge. The movements she made caused a wave of stinging pain to shoot through her body and she froze, taking in a sharp breath as she rode out the wave of immense pain. Once it passed, she could only go limp as another storm of sobs hit her, rocking them both. With it, the thoughts of fighting Lexa's iron hold vanished and instead she buried her head into the Commander's shoulder. The armour didn't help with comfort at all as it was cold against her forehead, but she couldn't care less. Clarke's hand loosely grabbed the buckle that kept Lexa's shoulderguard in place and let her arm and hand hang lazily from it. Lexa let her head rest on top of Clarke's and started to soothingly stroke the blonde's back with her hand, doing her best to provide comfort.

"Let it out Clarke…" She muttered, her voice only a low hum in Clarke's ears. She felt Clarke slump against her completely, going limp and leaning against her as she kept sobbing.

"I… I-I had to-"

"Shh…" Lexa hushed the girl, still holding her closely. It tore her apart to see Clarke like this. Broken down, crying and weak. She didn't deserve this. She deserved nothing but peace and safety according to her, yet here she was. In her arms and hurting. But that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part of it was the she was the cause.

She had done this to her. The feeling of guilt wrenched her stomach and threatened to burn pits through her bowels.

"Why? Why d-did you leave me there?" Clarke stuttered between shaky breaths.

"I-I know why… but why? Why did you have to leave me…?"

Lexa took her own shaky breath. She could feel her own eyes start to prickle with tears that threatened to fall, but she swallowed the thick lump in her throat and turned the blonde in her arms so her side rested against her front. She then slid back and leaned against the low table behind them. Her hand that previously had been on Clarke's back moved up to her head and gently went through the sun coloured hair.

"I'm sorry." The commander whispered into the air. She buried her face in the hair on top of Clarke's head and took a deep breath to calm herself down.

"I'm sorry…" She repeated again. Her words were careful and gentle as she started rocking Clarke softly in her army in an attempt to calm her further, to soothe her, and seemingly it worked. The sobs calmed and slowed until they came to a stop, but Lexa kept her hold on Clarke who rested surprisingly comfortably against her chest, despite the heavy and cold armour. Clarke sniffled slightly but stayed still as she focused on the feeling of Lexa's gentle fingers working through her hair.

Clarke swallowed thickly as she blinked away the last tears from her eyes. She knew where she was, and she didn't like it. Not very much, at least. She wanted to tear away from Lexa's arms now that she was calm, but it feel as if it was the Commander's presence alone that kept her from weeping. She let her thoughts slide from her crimes and what she had done back to why Lexa had come here in the first place.

"Alright…" She muttered. Her breathing was still shaky. It felt as if a single needle could pop her like a balloon and make her shatter, as if she was the most fragile glass there ever was. Why must she feel so very weak?

"Hmm?" Lexa hummed in response. She was glad to hear that Clarke's voice wasn't as broken as before, but there still was the ever present uncertainty in the tone. She lifted her head to let her chin rest on top of the blonde's head instead as she kept to soothingly move her fingers through the long strands of hair.

"Why did you come here Lexa?" Clarke asked. Lexa blinked and and glanced downwards. She couldn't see Clarke's face, but she could feel the hard crust of healing paste on Clarke's bare temple. Another wave of guilt struck her. What if she had stayed by the Sky People's side at the mountain? Clarke wouldn't hate her, she wouldn't be injured and she wouldn't be broken down in her arms. Why did Emerson have to offer the deal?

"It is as I said… I truly must give you a better reason to stay or else I fear anarchy might rise." She spoke with an uncertainty. She wasn't sure if even after this, Clarke would trust her. It was a major issue, one that must be solved. She couldn't possibly lose Clarke because of a mistake like this.

She could feel Clarke nod slowly before she spoke.

"Okay… Do you have any ideas?"

Lexa had gotten plenty of time to think about a proper reason since she had been stuck in a three hour long meeting with the clan leaders. Since most of the discussion wasn't with her but rather between the ambassadors, she could think about her own things. For example, on how she could save herself and Clarke from this situation.

"I need the Sky People to join the coalition." She said. She felt Clarke stiffen in her arms, seemingly shocked about the suggestion.

"You'd be their ambassador which would give you a much better reason to be here."

She felt Clarke relax again and lean against her before sighing.

"Alright… What do I need to do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations:  
> Wada klin = Clean  
> Maun-de = Mount Weather  
> Gon Raun = Fight  
> Ai nou get chit yu ste- = I do not know what you are-


	4. Protecting

Chapter Four: Protecting

"Preposterous!"

The air was stiff and thick in the meeting room, the people around the grey and oval table had faces writhed into shock and anger. At the end of the table stood the Commander, wearing armour and cape. Beside her stood Clarke and Titus, the latter looking appalled by Lexa's words. Clarke gulped as she watched the clan ambassadors and representatives angrily talking against the proposition Lexa had just voiced.

"You must be joking! You can't expect to let the Skaikru into the coalition! Those savages don't even know our ways!" One man spoke up. It was the ambassador of the Lake People. He wore thick leather robes and sported long black hair. His face had intricate tattoos running along his facial lines, connecting to make his face into an image.

"They would destroy our Traditions Heda! They are not worthy of our alliance!" Another ambassador exclaimed, this time a woman in grey and red burlap robes. If Clarke had heard correctly, she was from the Blue Cliff clan, a clan known for their herbs and potions.

"Ai na nou teik disha bushhada plan en em kru flosh osir kongeda klin!" The words had been spoken by a man in black and green clothes who now had drawn his sword and was marching straight at Clarke. The people around the table did not seem supportive of what he was trying to do, but neither did they object. The man had a cold glare in his brown eyes and his greyish blonde hair was thick and drawn back. Once he was within the striking range of Clarke who stood still and mortified by Lexa's side, he raised his long and silver coloured sword and brought it down only to hear a loud clang across the room. During the short time that he had raised his sword and prepared to bring it down, Lexa had drawn hers and now held it in front of the sky princess, blocking the man's sabre from inflicting any damage. She took a step forward and pushed the man back with the use of her sword and arm, causing him to momentarily lose his balance. To regain what was lost, he raised his sword arm and lowered the other, but this was what would cost him. Before anyone could blink, Lexa had whirled around and cleanly cut off the hand that held the sword. It fell to the ground with a clang followed by blood leaving the cut off limb and the now stump of an arm. The man screamed and fell to his knees as he hugged the arm with his remaining hand. His brown eyes were firmly planted on the ever pale limb on the stone floor that still had the handle of the sword in its palm.

Lexa only briefly looked at the guards by the wooden door to the room, but that was all it took for them to understand. The heavy men walked dutifully up to the man on the floor and quickly led him out of the room, leaving the hand and sword on the floor.

"Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op." Lexa's words echoed in the room, her cold green eyes glaring into each and every person by the table. "Is the message clear?" She asked. The representatives and their respective guards around the table only nodded or gulped, all seemingly too shocked by both the event that had just occurred and what the words meant. Lexa raised her head and gave a subtle nod, seemingly pleased with the result of the event that just took place.  
"Good." She placed her hands to rest at the hilt of her sword and straightened herself as she looked upon the now silent room.

"I understand your concerns as they are well placed, but I can assure you that this is the best thing to do."  
The clan ambassadors glanced at each other questioningly.  
"Not only would we avoid war with the Sky People," Lexa continued. "But we would also have the opportunity to learn and trade with them. As I'm sure most of you know, they have wares and medicine that can help our own greatly. We would only gain from an alliance with them."

"When would they join?" The Blue Cliff woman asked, hey eyes firmly set on the Commander.  
"A messenger will be sent once this meeting is over. He will travel directly to their camp and invite them to Polis for further discussion and will also escort them here." Lexa explained. Clarke gave a small nod to confirm when the woman eyed her.

"But Wanheda is their leader. Why would she need anyone else here?" A gruff voice said. Clarke couldn't see who had spoken, but it was from an old man. She curiously looked around the room quickly and had her eyes land on a tall man with a long silver coloured beard.  
"She is, but she wants to discuss with her advisors and generals before settling on a final decision." Lexa answered before Clarke could. Clarke looked at Lexa curiously and also with some shock on her face. Lexa had just lied to everyone who stood around the table. Clarke wasn't the leader of the Sky People. She wasn't chancellor. Her curious glance turned into a glare which Lexa met only for a brief second, but that was all it took for Clarke to understand.

'Not now.'

The people around the table looked at each other and whispers were heard sailing through the air, both in Trigedasleng and English.

"And where will the Skaikru have their territory? They are currently residing on Trikru land, are they not?" A woman spoke. She wore dark brown leather and a grey cape of wolf fur. Clarke could guess that she was the representative of the Boat Clan judging by the mark engraved in the leather on her chest.

"That shall be discussed further once the Skaikru advisors and generals arrive. For now they stay where they are." Lexa said. The woman gave a small nod in return and looked down at the table. The people around the table seemed to be satisfied with the information they had gotten for the moment which Lexa took as a sign to begin the preparations.

The Commander put her hands behind her back as she looked around the room to confirm just a last time that everyone within it would leave without any question. Not a single representative seemed to have any burning questions they were struggling to force out, all were as silent as trees and focused as jaguars.

"Very well then. If no one else has any more questions, this meeting is finished. You may all return to your own business."

Her words made the room and air within the room move as ambassadors and body guards alike gave nods and left, small whispers and mutters between them. Lexa turned her head to Titus who stood next to her still, tall and with a strict facial expression.  
"You may leave, Titus. Inform the Messenger that he can ride to the Sky People to deliver the message." Lexa said. Titus narrowed his eyes for a moment and shot a quick glare at Clarke before bowing and exiting the room, closing the doors behind him to leave the two leaders alone. Once the doors closed, Clarke let out a deep breath she had been holding in for the duration of the meeting. Lexa looked at her, a small smile threatening to break forth by tugging at the corners of her mouth. She was clearly amused by the situation.

"Life of Politics, Clarke. Get used to it." Lexa turned away from Clarke and started to slowly walk towards a small table by the wall. The table had four wooden cups on it accompanied with a blank metal vase that reflected the light of the candle chandeliers hanging from the roof.

"Lexa…" Clarke began, looking towards the Commander. Lexa had grabbed a cup and the vase and held it in her hands.

"Yes?" Lexa answered as she begun to pour a light rosé coloured liquid into the cup.  
"Why did you lie back there? I'm not the leader, my mother is the chancellor so she's the official leader, not me." Clarke said as she looked curiously at Lexa who had now finished pouring the liquid into her cup. She placed it on the table and picked up another cup and gently started pouring the liquid into that too.

"Because while she may be the leader that you follow, she's not the leader we will follow. My people sees you as the leader of the Skaikru, not your chancellor." Lexa stopped pouring once the glass was filled and placed the vase on the table before grabbing the already full glass with her free hand.  
"But why? I'm just someone who happened to fall from the sky, and that was because I was a prisoner an-"  
"Clarke." Lexa cut Clarke off with the mention of her name. Clarke stopped talking and looked up at Lexa who now stood in front of her, a cup in each hand.

"They follow you because you have proven your strength not once, but twice. First with curing the reapers and then by defeating the mountain."  
Lexa put the cups down on the large table that stood in the middle of the room and then placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder to show support.

"I know the mountain was hard for you, but you saved thousands of people by doing what you did. Believe it or not, but you did the right thing." Clarke looked up at Lexa, her eyes scanning the Commander's sea of green. There was something so soothing in them, something that calmed her. But even as they calmed her down, she could feel them pierce her skull. Clarke felt her head nod as she tore her eyes away from Lexa's to instead look at the floor below. Lexa felt something inside her tear and sink, but pushed it away Lexa removed her hand and again picked up the two cups on the table and held one between them, offering it to the blonde who looked up and raised her hand to accept Lexa's offer. Their hands brushed together as Clarke took the small wooden mug and small electric currents ran through them as they did. Both looked up and exchanged a glance. Both knew that the other one had felt it, but neither of them could know that the other one was aware of the same thing. Lexa took a step back let her hand automatically rest on the hilt of her sword. Clarke averted her gaze away from Lexa and glanced down into the cup curiously. She hadn't seen any liquid like this before. The closest she had gotten to it was the liquid the healer had used on her wound, but that was much redder than this.

"It's water with the juice of berries." Lexa explained once she noticed Clarke's bemused expression. Clarke formed a small 'o' with her lips and Lexa smiled.  
"A toast to the future, however it may turn out." Lexa said as she raised her cup. Clarke smiled back and raised her cup as well, holding it up in the air between them.  
"To whatever future that may come."

Lexa took a deep breath as she stopped in front of the door outside of her room. She knew what awaited inside. A disapproving Titus. A Titus who would tell her about how making the Skaikru a part of their coalition a mistake, and of how they should rather focus on the Ice Nation. But Lexa just couldn't leave Clarke behind again, and leaving her people would be to leave Clarke. She knew that what had happened mere moments ago in the meeting room had been real, and both she and Clarke had felt it. She was too far gone to push her away again. She could not possibly betray and abandon her once more.

She swallowed and sighed before opening the doors, and just as she expected, Titus was inside, waiting. He had his arms behind his back as he looked out her window and his back was straight. When he heard the sound of the door opening, he turned to face his Commander.  
"Titus." She greeted him. Titus gave a small nod in return before muttering. "Heda."

"Why are you here?" The brunette asked. She knew all too well why he was here, she knew what his exact words would be. But yet she asked.

"To discuss the threat of the Ice Nation. Heda, you must really do something about this. Confront them or strike them back. Queen Nia grows more and more brave by the minute and you know that she is after you." He said. Genuine concern could be seen in his eyes. It was his duty to protect the Commander and the Commander's spirit, therefore he could not idly stand by and not at least try to warn her.

"I'm well aware of the Ice Nation's advances, but I'm afraid I can't do anything unless they officially attack us. You know how the rules work, either they invade my lands or they threaten me or any other clans directly. Only then can I do something about it. If there still is just a small chance that this coalition will keep working, I will do my best to keep it as it is." Lexa explained. She had started to take off her shoulder guard and placed it on the drawer next to the door, neatly folding the cape underneath the metal.

"Then why do you keep Clarke within Polis' walls? Why do you want to let the Skaikru join our coalition?" Titus muttered. His eyes scanned over the Commander who halted in the procedure to remove her armour. She instead whirled around to glare at the bald man.  
"Our coalition? You did not want this alliance at all. You wanted to attack the Blue Cliff clan, the Ice Nation and the Glowing Forest. You wanted to end those three clans and then proceed to force the others into submission."  
Lexa had started to advance on Titus, walking closer to him. The bald man in response kept his back straight and stared back into Lexa's eyes.  
"You wanted to plunge thousands of people into war because of tradition when there was a better way. Don't you see Titus? It's time to change how we do things."

Titus was left with his mouth wide open at Lexa's words. He couldn't believe how far Lexa had strayed from their ways and traditions.  
"You sound weaker than a child… How could the spirit possibly choose you?"

Lexa felt her blood boil underneath her skin. Her instincts told her to cut the man's head off with her sword, to banish him from her lands, to imprison him for the rest of his life. But he was the Flame keeper. To do such a thing would be preposterous.

"But I know that you haven't always been like this… What changed you?" Titus took a step closer to Lexa who stayed still, her eyes burning holes through the man's skull.  
"Get. Out." Lexa hissed through gritted teeth. Titus raised his head and gave a low nod. He knew he had stepped over the line, but he firmly believed in what had been said. She had changed for the worse, and he knew what had done so to her.  
The man walked past Lexa, muttering a low "Heda." to her before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

Lexa breathed out and continued to take off her armour. Titus had always been straightforward, but never like this. He'd never blurt things like this out before, and even if he was the Flame Keeper, he had always been respectful to her.

Once the long robe and metal armour was off, she sat down on her bed and buried her head in her hands. She knew she had changed, but she had always wanted peace. She had always wanted to let her people live without the fear of war, to let children run freely in the woods without worrying for enemy warriors or acid fog. And she had made good progress to get to that goal. The coalition was in place and the mountain was gone. Yet the Ice Nation still sought to end everything she had fought for. She removed her hands and looked blankly at the floor, letting her eyes lazily rest on the soft brown the wood sported. She couldn't understand how peace could be such a foreign concept to everyone but her. Well, to her and Clarke.

Lexa flinched as she felt a stinging sensation shoot down her spine from her head and neck, burning her skin and nerves. A low hiss left her throat and she instinctively reached her hand to the back of her head and neck yet… she couldn't feel anything wrong. Just smooth skin. Her brow furrowed in confusion and she reached lower to the base of her neck and her hand froze. It was warm and wet. Slowly, she moved her hand to look at her hand and to her surprise, her fingers had a small dribble of her own familiar black blood. She stood up, clearly puzzled and walked over to her drawer on which the shoulderguard, armour and robe rested neatly in order. Underneath where she had laid the robe, beige piece of cloth peaked out. She lifted the robe carefully and rested it on the floor next to the drawer, letting the clasps on it clatter as they hit the hard wooden floor. The brunette grabbed the cloth and lifted her braided hair carefully to reach underneath with the cloth. She held it there for a short moment before removing it and looking at it again. There was indeed a small amount of black blood staining the cloth. She frowned. It wasn't a lot of blood. It wasn't much at all. It would heal within a day if the amount of blood was anything to judge by.

Therefore, Lexa opened the drawer and grabbed a small rounded metal container and opened it. Inside was the badly smelling paste that healed and protected wounds. She took the cloth and held it against her neck again and scooped up some of the paste with her fingers. She sighed quietly and wiped away as much blood as she could with the cloth before lifting her hair again and carefully applied the paste all over her neck. She had no idea where the wound was, so she could only guess by applying it wherever she could. Once the paste was applied, she turned around to walk to the section of her room in the back. She didn't want her hair to land in the paste as it would most certainly make it stick, so she would have to carefully unbraid it and keep it away from her neck until the paste would be dried up. She just wanted to know what had caused the bleeding…

Clarke turned her head automatically when she heard the door with a creak, flinching slightly at the movement of the paste on her wound. She was expecting to see Lexa or maybe a guard or healer, but was surprised to see Titus entering her room. Her brow furrowed as she grew puzzled to why and she stood up from her sitting position in the bed.

"Titus?" She asked. The bald man stopped a few metres away and straightened himself, placing his hands behind his back. His shot daggers at Clarke, wanting to burn through her and his face was stiff.

"Wanheda." He said in return, his voice dripping with despise. Clarke tilted her head as she looked at the man. She could feel the disapprovement radiating from him, the hate and resentment shooting out of him and into the room.

"What are you doing here?" Clarke asked curiously, her eyes still on the man. Titus raised his chin at the question and swallowed thickly.  
"I have come to ask of you a favour." He said simply. His voice was silent and coarse, almost like fine sandpaper.

"Okay… And what's that?" Clarke asked in return. She took a step closer to the man, clearly curious and intrigued by whatever he might want from her.

"I need to ask you to leave." He said. "You being here puts Lexa's life in danger, it puts the Coalition's life in danger and it puts your life in danger. So that is why I am here."

Clarke furrowed her brow and tilted her head in the other direction. She already knew a lot about this. She knew how the grounders thought that if she were to be killed, her power would transfer to the one who had killed her. She knew that her helping the Skaikru to join the coalition would possibly have a major backlash from the people who were not yet informed and she also knew that some people would think that Lexa doubted herself from keeping her here. All of this concerned Clarke, but she knew that this was the best way to fix all of those issues. If she were to go away and stop her people from joining, they would end up in war since their base of operations were in Trikru territory. If she left, she wouldn't be under Lexa's protection anymore and she could be killed and if she left, she'd hurt Lexa in the same way that she had hurt her. To abandon when it was clear that Lexa needed her help.

"I… I can't." Clarke replied. Titus looked down into the ground and nodded lightly. He knew that she would say no, that was obvious. He just hoped that the Commander and Clarke knew what they were doing.

"Very well then. I respect your decision, but keep my warning in mind. You will face the consequences of this." He muttered before he turned around and left. He didn't want to warn Clarke, but he needed to protect Lexa. If Lexa felt for this girl, he would need to protect her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Ai na nou teik disha bushhada plan en em kru flosh osir kongeda klin! - I can not let this coward of a woman and her people destroy our coalition!  
> Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op. - Attack her and you attack me.


	5. It comes in its sheath

Chapter Five: It comes in its sheath

For once, actual knocking was heard from the door to Clarke's room instead of the usual uninvited and sudden opening. Clarke stood up from the chair in which she had been sitting on and closed the drawing book that she had mysteriously found on her bed. She suspected that Lexa had been the one to order it to be delivered to her room along with five charcoal pencils. She had started to forgive the other woman. She had to. Deep inside they both belonged to their people and both had to do what was best for them. She had always known the reason, yet she had chosen to not see it. Her mind had forced her to ignore it in favour of selfishness and despair.

Clarke walked over to the door once she had put away her drawing materials with careful steps, curious over whomever had both interest in meeting her and the decency to actually knock. She had a mild suspicion already, but she wouldn't make assumptions out of the blue.  
She pushed down the handle and dragged the door inwards to open it, but before she could get a proper look at the person on the other side, the door was forced open violently. It slammed into Clarke's front, the edge of it hitting her head.

The door had slammed right into the healing wound on her head, making a sharp wave of pain invade her system. She cried out and felt how the healing wound had ripped open a bit at the jawline as she fell into the floor, both from the force of the impact but also the pain. Once she was down, her right hand shot up to her face and she pressed against the wound gently where it felt like it had torn. The crust of the healing paste was still on it, but she could feel how some blood was leaking out from underneath. She inhaled sharply as another wave of pain hit her.

Footsteps were heard, boots on hard wooden floor. She forced herself to sit up and open her eyes, and what filled her vision was two large and gruff men. One was younger than the other, but both had scars on their faces, white and grey war paint and cold coloured furs.

Ice Nation.

Clarke tried to stand up, but before she could, the older man was upon her, Pushing her down into the ground. The back of her head hit the wood hard, the vibrations caused more pain from her wound to flood her senses. She whimpered quietly, but then felt the sharp edge of a blade press into her throat, causing a very thin cut to form and seep blood.

"Not a word. Not a whisper. If I even hear you swallow, I will kill you. Understood?" The gruff man growled in her ear. Clarke could only nod gently, doing her best not to cause the thin cut on her throat to open more. Her eyes were wide open, desperately searching for any kind of escape route. This was not the visitor she had suspected.

The large man stood up and dragged Clarke up with him, arm around her neck and blade against her throat. The younger man opened the door and peeked out, making sure the coast was clear before walking out, Clarke and the other man following close behind. Clarke was shocked over how immensely quiet it was and how there weren't a single guard in sight. Where were they? There were always two guards outside her room alone, so where had they gone?

They continued to creep down the hallways and Clarke could only look and hope for help. The blade against her throat hurt, the wound on her jaw bled and a thin trickle of blood seeped from underneath the paste. Wasn't there a single person here? Maybe a guard, a nightblood, Titus or a servant. Surely there must be some other human being here besides her and these two Azgeda warriors!

Clarke was terrified. Why were they taking her? Where were they going? What were they going to do to her? The wound on her head kept pulsating, kept making her want to whimper. Her throat burned as she forced down tears and sobs and her mouth was so very dry. Where were they even going?  
They took a turn and approached the elevator, still no guards in sight. The man who wasn't holding Clarke walked up to the thin door that blocked the shaft and opened it and his face fell as he looked hopelessly down into the black abyss below. Behind them, shouts and running was heard down the hall. They knew and they were coming.

The man holding Clarke let out a low growl and looked at the warrior by the elevator.

"Well!? Let's go!" The gruff voice said just behind Clarke's ear. The younger man turned slowly away from the elevator and faced them.

"The rope… It's gone. We can't get down, we can't get out." He said, his face blank. Clarke felt the arms around her tighten at the words and the knife cut again on the thin skin of her throat, just above the last thin blood trickling line. She wanted to pull back just out of instinct, but she forced herself to stay still and silent. To not make it worse.

"Joken skrish!" the warrior swore loudly. This was supposed to have been easy.

The voices, shouts and footsteps were only getting closer. They were just around the corner by now.  
"Chit du osir dula op!?" The younger warrior asked. He was panicking and his hands were shaking. He was clearly less experienced than the one who had captured her.

"We… We exploit the Commander's mistake." He growled.

Just then, the guards reached them along with Lexa who was sporting full battle armour. In her hands were two short swords and her cape hung majestically from her shoulder, but one thing was missing.  
There was no warpaint.

She walked in front of the maybe twenty heavily armoured guards who carried swords and axes and all had their eyes trained on the intruders. Lexa's swords raised and her green eyes were storming.

"Release Wanheda so that we can do this easily." The Commander spoke slowly, stoic as ever. Clarke couldn't help but to admire her, the way she stayed so calm and fearsome, demanding respect, yet even with the armour, swords and cape, Clarke could see more underneath. Sometimes weakness, hesitation or pride flashed through her green eyes. It was in those moments when emotion shone through and broke the shadow of Heda that Clarke had to step back and take a breath, for it was in those moments she realised how truly beautiful this woman was.

The warrior holding Clarke growled.  
"I have a better idea." He muttered and quickly removed one of the arms around Clarke's neck. He moved the other arm down and moved to the side, using his elbow to press Clarke against him while now letting the tip of the blade rest against her pulse point while the other arm grabbed yet another knife from his hip which he brought up to the wound on her head. He let the blade rest against the crust of the paste.

"Let us go Heda." He spat out the title with venom, eyes cold and locked with Lexa's green storms.

"I don't think so." The coldness of Lexa's voice sent shivers down Clarke's spine. Never before had she actually been this frightened by the other woman, yet even if her cold tone and storming eyes gave Clarke the shivers, she felt warmness in her chest upon seeing and hearing them.

"Very well." The warrior muttered and then proceeded to apply pressure against Clarke's wound. Clarke inhaled sharply first, feeling the crust press against her skull and she locked eyes with Lexa who looked back intently, her eyes flashing concern, but most importantly, hatred. But the hatred wasn't directed to Clarke, but rather the man holding her.  
Then the knife cut through the crust and the sharp edge tore through sensitive skin.

Clarke whimpered at first, breaking away from Lexa's eyes to force them closed as tears came through, and then the whimpers turned into screams. She moved her hands up to the arm that was moving the knife through her skin instinctively and grabbed it before pulling it away. The warrior hadn't expected her to do this, thus the arm did give weight and removed itself from the red irritated skin, but the warrior fought back and pulled the blade back to wound with enough force to slam the edge through the crust again and all the way through until it hit bone. Clarke whimpered and for a moment, she forgot to breathe. Her vision was blurred with tears, yet she could see concern shine in Lexa's eyes. Her hearing was overshadowed by the loud throbbing of her heart beat, yet she could hear the order to fire arrows. Her senses were clogged with nothing but immense pain, yet she could feel the man's arms drop and release her before she herself fell right into slender and strong arms.

She was dizzy from pain, she had no control over her body and thus she was limp. She felt herself be carried and through her hazy vision she could make out Lexa's face as she carried the blonde. Her face was still stoic, stiff and showed nothing to the surrounding guards and warriors, yet Clarke could see through Lexa's front. She always had been able to do so. From the first time in the tent all those months ago till the time she had fallen into the Commander's arms, sobbing over her crimes.

Meanwhile, Lexa could feel panic tugging on her nerve ends. How had the Ice Nation warriors gotten in and killed seventeen guards? Would more be coming? And most importantly, would Clarke be okay? She probably would, it wasn't a lot of damage that had been caused, yet Lexa couldn't help but to feel worried for the sky girl. Said sky girl whom also seemed to drift on the edge of consciousness. Unless the knife had been poisoned, which she doubted, Clarke would be fine.

The brunette made it to Clarke's room quickly and with a few quick sentences, she got the guards following her to stand outside and, well, guard. One of the guards she ordered to go and fetch healing supplies, and with a quick nod, the warrior was on her way. Lexa entered the room and laid Clarke to rest on her bed. Blood was seeping from the newly opened wound on the side of her head and on her neck were two thin lines and one dot that all trickled a small amount of blood. It was as red as the petals of the wild red roses that grew outside of villages in the south.

"Lexa…?" Clarke's voice broke from dry lips. Her head was being mauled by a low throb and her eyes felt heavy. She wanted nothing more than to just sleep, but she knew that she needed to both talk to Lexa, and to get her wounds fixed.  
"Yes Clarke?" Lexa answered. They eyes were locked, ocean blue meeting forest green, sky meeting ground. There was a current between them, flowing through the air between them, threatening to burst and sting at any moment. It made the very air in the room vibrate and shiver.

"Are they…?"  
"Dead? No. In the dungeon underneath the tower? Yes." Lexa answered her question. Clarke formed a small 'o' with her mouth and nodded. She understood what it implied. Right at this moment, they were probably being tortured to the breaking point in order to get information. Another two lives ruined.

A knock came from the door and Lexa raised her head.  
"Min op." She called out, and on the command the door slid open revealing the female guard she had sent away to fetch a healing kit. She carried the bag in her hand and walked up to the Commander before handing it over.  
"Mochof." Lexa replied as she accepted the bag and held it in her hand. The guard gave a curt nod and then left the room as hastily as she had arrived, closing the door behind her.

Lexa sat down on the edge of the bed, the healing kit in her lap. Clarke furrowed her brow at the action.  
"Where's the healer…?" She asked. She had expected to see the bearded man walk in here again and silently apply the green and smelling paste to her wound, not Lexa.

"He was killed along with three servants and seventeen guards." Lexa said, not bothering to hide the fact. Clarke felt shock enter her mind. So many people dead? That must've been the reason to why the halls had been so empty.  
"Therefore, I will tend to your wound, Clarke. I know quite a bit about healing." Lexa spoke softly. Clarke gazed at the brunettes face, her vision had cleared up enough by now for her to be able to make out Lexa's soft and relaxed features. She looked so humble, even with the heavy armour hanging off her shoulders. There was no anger or pain in her face, no heavy thoughts. Only softness and calm.

"I hope that's alright?" Lexa added as she looked into Clarke's eyes. The blonde gave a small nod and Lexa's lips threatened to twitch up into a smile, yet she kept it down. She didn't know why, but she suspected it was by instinct by now. She turned her focus back to the bag in her lap and carefully, she opened it and reached in. She grabbed several items and placed them beside her, a small glass vial of red transparent liquid which she would clean the wound with, small pieces of cloth, a small clay pot closed with a lid, a bottle of water, a small knife that looked like a scalpel and another small vial which this time had a yellow liquid inside. Once she had grabbed what she needed, she put the bag back down on the floor and moved up on the bed further.

"How did they get in?" Clarke proceeded to ask as Lexa had grabbed the yellow vial and a piece of cloth. Lexa looked at Clarke briefly and then poured some of the yellow liquid on the cloth.

"They were allowed into Polis openly as it is a city for all the clans." Lexa moved up closer to Clarke and leaned forward to start padding the hard crust with the cloth.  
"Once inside, they used underground tunnels to make their way forward. The tunnels are heavily guarded, yet somehow they managed to sneak through." She coated the hardened paste with the liquid and slowly, it started to soften. Once it did, she lowered the piece of cloth and picked up the small knife and started to gently and carefully scrape the paste off Clarke's head.  
"They got to the Elevator shaft and used boots with points on their toes and thin metal rods to climb. They dug the sharp points into the wall and simply climbed."  
Lexa worked the paste slowly, peeling it off. She did it so carefully and gently that Clarke barely felt anything at all. It was actually soothing. It tickled and sent shivers down her spine.  
"By the elevators they put the metal rods far into the wall and tied long ropes to them which they would use to climb down again. A guard that walked by the elevator shaft in the tunnels saw ropes hanging and he tore them down."  
Piece by piece, the crust fell onto the bed. Lexa carefully lifted Clarke's ear to reach behind it, and when her hands touched it, the current got stronger than before. Both felt it and both knew the other had too, yet they didn't mention it.  
"They cleared out the entire floor, killing them all. But they forgot about one guard, and he found the rest and alerted me." Finally, she had peeled it all off and now Lexa could see the extent of the wound. It was slightly swollen and at some places, the skin looked jagged. Lexa's chest twisted at the sight. She could've hindered it. She could've saved Clarke from all of the pain she had suffered, and yet she hadn't.

"I made my way here as fast as I could and I arrived in the neck of time it seems."

Clarke gave a small nod and Lexa lowered the scalpel and picked up the red vial and another piece of cloth. She focused on coating the cloth in the liquid and then closed the vial and put it down. Once again she leaned in and started to gently pad the wound, cleaning it.

"Why were they here?" The sky girl asked curiously. Her brow was furrowed. It had been the main question on her mind through the whole ordeal, the one question to press in the front of her mind, to push outwards and make itself aware. She knew with full certainty that they had been Ice Nation warriors, yet she didn't know why they had come for her. Was is because she was Wanheda? Did they not approve of the Sky People joining the Coalition? Or maybe they wanted to do it for some other reason?

Lexa swallowed thickly and sighed.

"There are several reasons. The Ice Queen is the one who wants to capture you." She dragged the cloth along the wound gently, so gently that Clarke could barely feel it. Lexa was so very careful with her, so very gentle with her touch. When the healer had cleaned, you had been able to tell that he was used to his work. He moved confidently, often a bit harsher than he should just because he was comfortable in his work, but that was not the case with Lexa. She was so cautious, so gentle and so careful that every single movement soothed her to the core, further and further.

"The reasons to that is she wants your power, for one."  
Of course. The power of Wanheda. She should've guessed. She knew from the moment that she had heard of it that it would cause trouble for her, and it did. She wasn't sure of how it ever wouldn't cause her trouble.

"Another reason is that she wants to demonstrate her power over the Skaikru, and capturing you would be the perfect way to show dominance." She moved down with the cloth underneath her ear and towards her jawline. Her face was so very close to Clarke's, just so she could see properly. The electricity in the room was sparking, booming. Clarke was sure that if you took a lightbulb into it, it'd turn on right away just from the current. The electricity pulled and twisted around them, tempting them to move even closer, and as much as both wanted to, neither dared.

"Third reason being, is that she has a quarrel with me personally…" Lexa continued. She stopped cleaning and looked up to meet Clarke's eyes. They were so very close, maybe only fifteen centimetres and the electricity was going rampant. Their eyes were locked, searching each other. Lexa's gaze then fell briefly down at Clarke's lips, but quickly adjusted again once she realised the slip. She swallowed and then hastily went back to the task of cleaning the wound, continuing with her gentle padding.

"The fourth reason…. Is that they want a war." She finished with the red liquid and met Clarke's wide eyes.  
"They knew by what I had said at the table. I told them that an attack against you would be an attack against me, and that is just what they did." Lexa explained. She grabbed yet another piece of cloth and this time soaked it in water and then cleaned around the wound, removing dribbles of blood that had trickled down over the blonde's neck. She washed it up quickly and moved to her throat. The cuts there were thin, clean and shallow, so they would heal quickly without any help. They just needed to be cleaned. Once she was done with that, she moved up to Clarke's brow and temple where the bloody mess was the worst.  
"Now I must either respond and attack them back, which would split the coalition in two as some clans are more loyal to the Ice Nation than others, or I don't do anything and the clans see me as weak for not fulfilling my word. They would think that they could push me around for power and would not listen to my warnings."  
She washed the brow and temple cautiously. Clarke's eyes were closed as the brunette worked around her right eye.

"What will you do?" Clarke asked quietly. Lexa sighed as she stopped cleaning. She shook her head and Clarke opened her eyes to let them meet Lexa's forest greens again.  
"I don't know. I must confront them, even if it would cause war." she muttered. She stopped leaning close to Clarke and dropped the dirty piece of cloth. She grabbed the lidded pot now and opened it to reveal green healing paste. The foul smell of it made Clarke scrunch her nose a bit, but she knew it was to help her. Lexa scooped up some paste with two fingers and then gently applied it to Clarke's wound. The paste was cold and it felt nice against the wound, soothing and calming. The paste was the quickest thing to work and Lexa finished quickly and then proceeded to clean up, placing all the pieces of used cloth and peels of old paste in the bag before she tied it into a knot.

"You should rest now Clarke. A lot has happened today. Rest and we will talk tomorrow." Lexa said and started to walk to the door with confident footsteps. The Commander looked back at Clarke one more time before opening the door and Clarke smiled.  
"Reshop Heda." She said. Lexa couldn't stop the smile that crept onto her lips.  
"Good night, Clarke." She said and then the Commander of twelve crumbling clans left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translations:  
> (The trigedasleng in this chapter is phrases you should know.)


	6. Change for what may be

Chapter Six: Change for what may be

"Every person in this room will get on their knees and plead for mercy." Lexa hissed as she walked into the large and dark hall that currently housed all soldiers, guards, and ambassadors from the Ice Nation. The hall was bare and only had tables lining the walls, no chairs and the only source of light was the large window at the end of it. The hall was grey and dark, the walls were of black brick. It was a hall that stuck out from a hill and was previously a bunker that had caved in, by the wall that now was a window.

The men and women inside glanced at each other curiously but did as the Commander had ordered and got to their knees in the middle of the room. A few refused and stood up tall, either smirking or wearing a frown while watching Lexa intently. In return, the brunette gave them a soul piercing glare as a few of her soldiers forced them to their knees in the middle of the room. The air was thick within the walls as the room was silent, only quiet whispers could be heard between the Ice Nation populace. The people on the floor didn't dare to look at Lexa and the ones who did, soon regretted it, once they were met with green pulsing storms, burning into their very souls.

Lexa walked up to the first man that was closest to her and grabbed him roughly by his hair, forcing him to meet her burning gaze.  
"Name and rank." Lexa muttered. The man swallowed thickly and looked nervously around him to his friends and fellow Ice Nation citizens.  
"A-Ambassador Kuick, Heda." He sputtered out. Lexa nodded slowly before turning around to face her soldiers, all at the ready with weapons.

"Bring him to the Cellar." She muttered. Two soldiers stepped forth quickly and grabbed Kuick's shoulders before dragging him away. Lexa proceeded to walk up to the next person, a woman this time with the same fearful expression. She wore no fancy furs and no armour, she did not even have a weapon, but Lexa knew that even if this woman was just a servant or a merchant, she'd have to treat her all the same. In fact, she had seen this woman around the tower even before she had become Heda, when she was just another nightblood.

"Name and rank." She muttered again as she grabbed the woman by her collar.  
"Rira. I-I am just a servant, Heda." Lexa scanned the shaking woman. She was old and frail, her face worn and her eyes kind and innocent, even when threatened. But as much as Lexa hated it, she knew she couldn't afford special treatment.

"Lock her up."  
Only one soldier, this time, walked up and grabbed the woman before walking her out.

The next person was a long haired man who only smirked at Lexa. In return, she kicked him roughly in the face with her knee, making him fall to his side. He spat out some blood on the floor and inhaled deeply before regaining the unsettling smirk. Lexa then proceeded to grab him by his neck and lifted him up to sit, her hand pressing into his throat. She felt his pulse under her fingers and her green eyes dug into his skull.

"Name and rank." She hissed between gritted teeth. The man's smirk became a grin as he spoke.  
"Tilon. I'm the Ice Queen's Advisor." He replied. Lexa only tightened her hold on the man's throat.

"And why would the Ice Queen's Advisor be here?"  
"Waiting for the arrival of my Queen, Heda." He said Lexa's title mockingly as the grin went back to a smug smile.

"And why would she come here?" The green orbs were burning into Tilon's very soul, seeing straight and through him, but he felt no fright for the woman squeezing his throat, thus he only kept smirking in amusement.

"You'll find out. Just you wait."  
"Was that a threat, Tilon?" Lexa asked. The man chuckled in response.  
"You tell me, Heda."

That was the last straw for Lexa. She kicked the man hard in his chest, making him fall to the floor. As he fell, Lexa drew her sword and kicked the man again before putting her foot on his stomach, forcing him to lie flat on the floor. She proceeded to put the tip of her sword against his chest, letting it hover just above his heart. She was ready to press into his skin, to let the sharp edge of the floor cut into his skin, to let metal tear through soft flesh; she was ready to let this man leave this shore to find the next in a new life, but she couldn't. It wouldn't be the way to do this. There must be a better way.

She removed her sword from the man's chest and sheathed it again. She knew that most people would see this as weakness, but she didn't care. There had to be another way.

Then, pain. Sharp and sudden pain struck her neck again and shot down her spine. She couldn't stop a minor flinch to come through and had to force her hand down. She redirected her hand to the hilt of her sword and allowed it to grasp it tightly as she glanced around. No one seemed to have been paying enough attention to see it, they were all looking at the man on the ground instead. The man who stared up at her and who had clearly seen her moment of weakness.

"So it is true…" He muttered low enough so it only was audible to him and Lexa, who now looked at him with mild interest and confusion evident in her face.  
"Steltrona." He whispered. Lexa furrowed her brow. This man knew something that she clearly didn't, and the mention of an old legend only confused her further. What did the horse no one could catch possibly have to do with anything in this situation?

"Bring him to the compound… The rest should be sent to the cellar for now. Everyone except…" She turned around as she paused and scanned the room. Once she stopped, her eyes were fixed on a girl. She wore no face paint, had no heavy armour and only wore a simple deer hide painted white. Her sword was short and simple and her eyes were a deep grey and innocent.

"You." She said while looking at the girl. She couldn't be older than sixteen. Lexa approached the girl confidently, taking long and slow strides towards her.  
"Name and rank." She said once she reached the girl with a clear voice. The smaller brunette looked up at her with wide and frightened eyes. Her face had no tattoos, no scars and no markings. It was blank, innocent and fragile, like porcelain. To Lexa, it was as if she was looking at a younger self. Before she was training to be Heda, before she knew of the atrocities in war and before she gave her life to her people.

"K-Kiara, Second to Jill kom A-Azgeda." She answered in a quiet voice. Lexa gave a small nod. She reached her hand out to the girl who looked at it, clearly confused before she grabbed it and let herself be helped up. Once on her feet, she locked her gaze to the floor. Lexa stayed in front of her, watching her intently. She was small and lithe, smaller than herself and sported a similar hair colour, only that hers was lighter at the ends. It wasn't braided and hung to her shoulders, grazing the deer hide that hung from them.

"Kiara, I need you to relay a message to the Ice Queen."  
At this, the girl looked up to meet Lexa's piercing gaze. Her grey eyes were curious, her mouth was slightly open and a small lock of hair hung in front of her face.

"Tell her we're coming, that she broke the coalition and that she will pay. Tell her that if she wanted war, she'll get it and my army will be waiting for her first strike." Lexa spoke slowly to the girl who gave a curt nod. Lexa turned around and looked at a guard that stood by the door, a spear in his hand.

"Get her a horse to ride back to the Ice Nation. She has a message to deliver."

Voices shouted for attention once Lexa entered the meeting room, the ring of their concerns in both English and Trigedasleng bouncing off the walls to create an echo. Lexa paid no mind. Her eyes were firmly focused on the place by which she would stand. Behind her marched Titus, glaring at anyone who tried to directly contact and approach the Commander. She reached her place at the table quickly enough and stood tall and proud. Her presence and stare were enough to make the clan representatives silence.

"Where is the Ice Nation?" the Broadleaf ambassador questioned in a grumble. Lexa did not even meet his gaze, but rather kept glancing in between each and every representative as her voice rang out in a reply, almost monotone.

"Under arrest for Treason."  
The words got mixed reactions from the ambassadors. The Blue Cliff and Broadleaf Representatives were loud and had no issue in showing their discontent and outrage. The Plains Riders and Rock Line ambassadors muttered bitterly along with the others while the rest stayed silent and watched quietly.

"This is preposterous!" The Blue Cliff representative exclaimed.  
"What did they do to deserve this? I demand on the behalf of the Blue Cliff Clan to know!" He roared as he slammed his fist down onto the table. The other ambassadors mostly nodded in agreement, all of them were curious to what the reason was.

"Last night the Ice Nation attacked and tried to kidnap Wanheda." She spoke clearly, not a single shred of fear being shown. A few of the representatives smirked, some others huffed and frowned, but most stayed silent and attentive.

"I believe I made it clear that an attack against Wanheda would be an attack against me, therefore I hope for your own sake that you understand when I say that all Ice Nation representatives and soldiers within these walls are under arrest until the Ice Queens surrenders herself and faces punishment.

The room erupted. Questions flew through the air, burning it and each ambassador tried to be louder than the next.

"SILENCE!" Titus roared. The people in the room shut up reluctantly and backed up from the table. Lexa looked as unaffected and unamused as ever, even with all eyes glued on her.

"I want to know if any clans are on the Ice Nation's side rather than the coalitions. What clans can say for certain right away without the presence of leaders that they would leave the coalition in favour of the Ice Queen?"

It didn't take long before both the Broadleaf and Blue Cliff representative stood up and walked out of the room, frowns on their faces. The others remained and watched Lexa wearily.

"Anyone else?" She murmured, glancing at each and every person by the table. When none moved or met her gaze, Lexa gave a nod.

"Good. I'm afraid war might be inevitable and thus I need to gather the clan leaders. Deliver the message to your leaders that they have three days to arrive in Polis. All trade and cooperations with the Broadleaf, Blue cliff and the Ice Nation must seize. They are no longer parts of this alliance." Lexa stated as she started walking around the table, moving confidently behind all leaders. Titus moved behind her with long strides, eyes watching and studying each and every representative.  
"Prepare for war." And with those words, the doors opened. The clan ambassadors nodded and swiftly left the room, being led by Titus as they left Lexa alone to reflect on the future. With a sigh, she turned to a chest in the corner of a room and opened it before pulling out maps and scrolls.

"Lexa, what is going on?" Clarke's voice rang out as she entered the room where Lexa was gazing upon paper. Her sword rested on the table in its sheath and the maps and scrolls overlapped across the table, coating it in the paper that lay there. She didn't wear her shoulder guard, nor her face paint or heavy set armour. Instead, she wore only part of her armour. Thick leather straps around her waist, an iron corset around her waist and underneath, her thick leather and fur coat. Her legs only wore black pants from what she could see and then her normal boots.

"What are you doing here, Clarke?" Lexa asked without looking up from her table. Clarke entered the room quickly, walking halfway in before stopping on the other side of the table.

"Making sure you don't cause war and chaos."

The brunette sighed and glanced up at Clarke briefly, letting green meet blue before she looked back down, changing the blue to beige and yellow. Clarke's eyes had always been too much for her. Even back when they met for the first time in the tent of war, when her original intent had been to capture or kill her, she hadn't been able. Her eyes and aura had hindered her, halted her on the very road she had built. They were simply just too intense.

"War is already happening, Clarke. I can't avoid it. The coalition is broken, armies are waiting for the order to march and I must find out what armies will march for me or the Ice Nation." She spoke quietly, yet her voice was as clear as day when it rang out into the air. Clarke swallowed. She didn't want to believe that she would be the cause of even more death, of yet another war, of yet another end.

"There's… Nothing? So that's just it?" She asked in disbelief.  
"I'm afraid so, Clarke. Unless the Ice Queen surrenders herself to me and faces her punishment, war will rise." Lexa looked up at Clarke, again feeling her eyes be burned by the gentle blue orbs. She saw an array of emotions flash. Fear, regret, disbelief and horror. It hurt her to know that she had to go through them like this. She craved to grab the blonde and to shelter her from all her worries, all her pain, but she couldn't.

'Not yet, at least.'

"But there must be something…" Clarke muttered. She walked quickly around the table to where Lexa stood and moved into the Brunette's space, forcing her to back up slightly so that the blonde could look at the array of plans and maps.  
She couldn't understand a lot of the words, and the maps were of areas and things she couldn't recognize; symbols that she didn't know the meaning of and notes in the language she knew too little about.  
She leaned over the table desperately searching for anything at all. She could feel stress gripping her mind, dragging her into the dark abyss of panic below. She felt herself slipping, sliding and stumbling towards what was the cliff before a meltdown.

'Not again…' she thought in fear as she felt her muscles tense up, her breathing becoming shallow and quick. Her fists clenched and her knuckles turned white from the tightness. Her focus was blurred and all she could think of was lines fading, smudging.

Yet, through the mist and fog that clouded her mind, the feeling of touch managed to slip and break through. A tickling sensation around her waist was felt as Lexa slowly and gently wrapped her arms around her and held her close, catching her as she just jumped into the pit of no return, holding her back from walking into the darkness. Lexa held her close against her own body, her slender and strong arms gently leading Clarke into her front. Clarke took a shaky breath as she forced herself to calm and to let Lexa comfort her. She was kept close and her own body molded into Lexa's, letting her entire back feel the comfort of someone who cared, someone who wished for better and someone who deep inside, despite everything that had happened, she knew she could trust.

Lexa linked her hands together as they rested against Clarke's stomach, a thumb soothingly stroking it back and forth against soft leather. Lexa hadn't been able to resist comforting the blonde when she saw her shaking and almost hyperventilating. How her eyes had darted back and forth across the table, nervously and desperately searching for something to stop her from losing it. She knew she shouldn't have done so, that she should've left Clarke to pull herself together on her own, but yet here she was, holding her close and safe.

She could feel how Clarke started to calm, how her breathing slowed and how her shaking eased before it could go too far. Lexa took a deep breath and moved forward to rest her head on Clarke's shoulder. Some loose strands of sun-coloured hair fell in her face and tickled her cheeks, but she couldn't care about that right now. There were more important things to focus on.

She parted her lips slightly to prepare herself to speak, but then Clarke took a deep breath of her own. She knew that this would have consequences and once she realised it, she started to regret it only slightly. She shouldn't be doing this, but by now it would be too late and to back away from Clarke now would cause more harm than good.

"I'm here…

The feeling and sound of Lexa's voice whispering into her ear sent shivers down Clarke's spine. It soothed her to the core, calming her further. The hold she was kept in made her feel safe and the gentle stroking of a thumb on her stomach relaxed her. In fact, having Lexa against her overall relaxed her and gave her a sense of safety. She could feel the thick mist and fog in her mind clear, letting in light from the outside. She let herself lean back fully into the woman behind her who supported her weight easily.

"I'm so sorry Clarke. I too wish there would be a different way…" Lexa muttered softly in her ear. Clarke took a deep breath and felt herself relax further. After that, Lexa didn't say anything more. She just held Clarke close, and the blonde in returned calmed more and more with every second that passed.

Both could feel the other's breathing, the other's calm, and even the gentle heartbeat through armour and clothing.

Lexa felt herself being soothed by the feeling of Clarke against her, the sound of her gentle breathing, the feeling of her weight against herself. It was just calming and relaxing.

Then, movement. Lexa lifted her head of Clarke's shoulder quickly and parted her hands, expecting to feel Clarke walk away from her. But instead, the blonde turned in her arms and faced her. Lexa felt confusion and curiosity claim her. Their eyes met, forest green blending with the blue of the sky. The orbs of different colours searched each other, both reading the other.

'They're so clear…' Lexa thought. It chilled her to the core only to warm it back up to almost a boiling point. So many emotions were shining within them, flashing and blinding her.

Clarke blinked and a tear slid down from her eye. Lexa instinctively brought up a hand to wipe it away. The electric current was coming back, pulsing in the room as it coursed throughout the air, around them, over them and into them, vibrating, luring them to go closer. It was such a strong force, pulling them together like magnets of opposite poles, and while maybe in previous meetings, they had mostly resisted. This time, a soul fell and the last thing Lexa could see before the electricity shot behind her eyes were Clarke's eyelids closing before the blonde leaned in for a kiss.

It was soft, tender and slow, exploring the other's lips. Their mouths moved in sync like clockwork as if, they had done this a thousand of times before. Clarke's lips were soft and gentle, her touch felt only as a caress or whisper, yet it was made by burning red iron which molded into Lexa's own mouth perfectly. With her own eyes closed and her other senses muted by the electricity coursing through her, she felt nothing but the soft and slow movement of Clarke's lips against her own.

Clarke brought her hands up to the sides of Lexa's face to pull her into the kiss further, longing for more closeness, longing to feel safer, and Lexa craved for the same, thus she helped by using her arm around Clarke to press the blonde against herself while using the other to gently caress Clarke's face.

Eventually, Clarke reluctantly broke the kiss off, leaving them both panting. She rested her forehead against Lexa's, feeling the small metal wheel on her forehead press into her skin, but she didn't care. All that mattered was this very moment. Clarke opened her eyes to see Lexa's face. The brunette's eyes were wet and her lips were turned slightly upwards into a very small smile. To Clarke, she was beautiful. The bottom lip quivered slightly as Lexa took a deep breath and it only made Clarke lean in to kiss her again. This kiss was faster and more passionate than the kiss that was months ago and the kiss that was only mere seconds away. They poured every single emotion into it. Every single small movement, every single touch and every single second that they were together, connected by lips, emotion flowed through them. The electricity was tingling around them, now soothing instead of insistent and vibrating. It was calmer and so very perfect. That was when a small whimper escaped Lexa's throat, and it made Clarke pull back so that she could look at the other woman. Once she did, she felt her heart clench.

Lexa's eyes were forced closed tightly and tears leaked from them freely, running down her cheeks. Her mouth was open and her bottom lip quivered as she took shaky breaths. Clarke pulled back only slightly, watching the brunette.

"I… I-I'm so sorry…" Lexa muttered, her voice cracking even in a whisper. Clarke's brow furrowed as she brought her hands up to cup Lexa's face gently, her thumbs stroking the smooth and wet skin.

"I could've helped y-you…" She muttered again. She opened her eyes, the forest greens almost cracking. So much was always reflected in those eyes, and Clarke preferred to rather stare into them when they were raging storms of fury than breaking and shattered, glass pieces falling from them, crashing down in the form of tears.

"At the mountain… If I had helped you just once then… You would've been f-fine… but now…" She managed to force out words. Her voice was cracking, coarse and broken, tearing each and every word.

"You wouldn't be Wanheda… you wouldn't have to carry all of the lives you had to take... I.. I'm just so sorry…" She sobbed as she buried her face in Clarke's shoulder, shaking as the sobs rocked her. Clarke swallowed thickly as she wrapped her arms around the crying woman, stroking her back soothingly.  
"Shh…" She hushed as she rested her head on Lexa's shoulder. Lexa's hair slid in front of her face, tickling her as the strands of hair danced across her skin. She had never seen Lexa like this before, and it scared her. She had never seen Lexa, the fearless Heda so weak and fragile. But it gave her hope, something to hold on to. Deep inside, even in a world as bad as this, every person was good inside. Each person had something deep inside them.  
"It's okay…" She whispered into Lexa's ear. She felt Lexa hang on her, her body almost limp as she cried.  
"It's okay Lexa…" She muttered. "I forgive you."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Can't run forever

The sun was just rising when the rumbling of an engine approached Polis. It growled and roared along with the sound of wheels dragging through dirt, rolling over stones and tearing up mud. The citizens in the outskirts of Polis that still slept woke up abruptly and looked outside to find the source of the noise and what they saw was like nothing they had seen before. It was the thing they had only heard of, a thing that was only a memory of the past.

It was a car.

A large, black rover, raced towards the city at a fast speed, followed by a cloud of dust behind it. Soldiers moved out of the city quickly, moving down the road quickly to meet the vehicle. Their weapons were drawn and raised, their eyes showed no hesitation, even in the face of the unknown. They blocked the road and watched wearily as the large black rover kept approaching. Just as the men braced themselves for impact, the car slowed down and came to a full stop.

The doors opened and every single warrior was tense as sticks, weapons raised as they glared and readied themselves to throw themselves at the newcomers in a full out attack.  
Out of the car stepped four people, all wearing clothes of the past, torn and patched over with both hide, cloth and even leaves.

"Skaikru." A warrior muttered loudly. From their position, they could see that one person remained in the vehicle, hands on the steering wheel. Only two of the Skaikru carried weapons, and both of them wore thick black jackets.

"We are here to talk to the Commander." One of the people said. She was dirty blonde and older than the rest, but even with a face wearing more wrinkles, it showed the most determination.

Another one of the guards walked up to the front warrior and started talking rapidly in Trigedasleng, exchanging loud words. Only a few words were recognised by the Sky People, words like 'Heda', 'Gona' and 'Kongeda.'  
The Skaikru glanced at each other curiously, confusion evident in their expressions.

Once the talking slowed, the first guard sighed and looked at the older woman.  
"You are free to enter Polis. But that… thing-" He paused and pointed at the rover with his axe. "Stays here."

The woman nodded and obliged. One of them, a man holding a gun, walked back to the rover and opened the door for the woman who was still inside. He spoke quietly with her and then closed the door again before walking back. Once he caught up with the rest, one turned and asked.

"Where is Raven?"

"She didn't want to leave her baby."

Clarke worked quietly when she drew. For one, she didn't need to be noise, drawing was a quiet and peaceful activity. But right now, she was extra cautious when it came to making noise, for in the other couch rested Lexa, a book opened in her lap, supported by her hands and head rested against the armrest. Her eyes were closed and her breathing light as she slumbered peacefully. To Clarke, it was probably the calmest she had ever seen Lexa, which was the reason to why she had decided to start drawing her. She felt a need to capture the moment so that in the future, she could look back and remind herself that even the most ruthless are just as human as she.

She studied the other woman as she drew, noticing her defined jawline, full lips and gentle eyelids that hid her forest green orbs. The more she studied the woman, the more she copied the soft lines and the more she shaded and sketched, the more she was certain that this woman was stunning.

And then for the first time during the maybe hour that she had drawn, Lexa twitched in her sleep. Her eye and cheek moved upwards briefly and her head shook mildly before it went back to its resting state. Clarke could not stop the smile that crept onto her face.

Adorable was a word that she never would've thought that she would associate with the ruthless commander, yet here she was, watching Lexa twitch in her sleep and the only word she could think of was Adorable.

Clarke looked back down at her work and moved to bring the charcoal down against the paper again, but halted as she heard movement. She diverted her gaze back up to see Lexa, tossing her head back and forth. The smile on her lips disappeared and was replaced with a frown and she started to put her things down next to her so she could sit up straight. Was she having a… Nightmare?

Lexa breathed heavily in the couch, her head tossing and turning, sweat running down her forehead… She couldn't think of much else that would cause such symptoms.

Just as she was about to move over, a low whimper escaped the woman's lips before she shot up, moving her legs underneath her on the couch, ready to stand up and attack. She scanned the room around her with frantic eyes, alert for any and all danger before she remembered where she was. No danger would come here.

Clarke now sat beside Lexa, having moved quickly once the brunette had woken up and now wrapped her arms around her and held Lexa close against her. Lexa fought against it for just a second at first, trying to sit up again as Clarke dragged her down out of instinct, but she quickly disregarded her instincts and let herself be dragged down.

"It's okay. It's okay…" Clarke said softly as Lexa calmed, the bottom of her face buried in the brunette's hair. She took a deep breath and felt the sweet scent of forest along with salt. She didn't know what the mildly salty scent was, but it was refreshing and felt familiar in some way. Relaxing, if that made any sense.  
"You're safe…" She murmured. She felt Lexa relax and lean into her, her breathing now calm. Clarke brought up a hand to softly stroke the brunette's hair right on her temple, trying to soothe her and by the way, Lexa took a deep and slow breath, it worked.

"Was it a dream?" The blonde asked carefully.  
"No."

Lexa was weak; she was conflicted, when resting in someone's arms, letting someone hold her and comfort her after a moment of weakness. It was against everything she stood for and everything she was, yet she couldn't find the strength to pull away. Clarke had seen her weak before and she trusted her enough to not exploit her weakness like others would.

"It was a warning." She started. "From the previous commanders. They talk to me in my sleep. They warned me of…" Lexa halted. She couldn't say what it was straight out, but it was too late. Clarke had caught the obvious hesitation to finish the sentence.

"About what?" Clarke asked curiously, moving her head to the side so that she could look at Lexa's face at least somewhat, longing to see her emotions refracted in her eyes. Lexa swallowed, her breath was hitched in her throat. She had to say something.

"About you." She hadn't meant to say the truth. She had thought of saying something different, why hadn't she? Why hadn't she made something up? A white lie, maybe talk about something with the upcoming council meeting or anything, yet she hadn't.

Clarke had stopped the gentle stroking of Lexa's hair as her breathing halted and an eerie silence claimed the room, suffocating them. It was a thick slimy silence, like the bottom of an ocean.

"...Why?" Clarke whispered. This whole thing seemed odd. Why was she dangerous? And besides that, it wasn't really like she dared to believe the grounder's tale of reincarnation, yet Lexa's words were so genuine that she found it difficult. Each and every grounder she had met ever spoke with such a certainty of the Commander, the Flame and the Nightbloods that the more time she spent around the tales, the more difficult she found it to not believe them.

"The life of a commander is supposed to be a lonely one…" Lexa sighed. "This puts you in great danger, weakens me and makes my people question me. I'm not supposed to show anything."

Clarke nodded and pushed Lexa so that she and the brunette sat up on the couch before placing a hand on Lexa's shoulder. She locked her gaze with Lexa's, both pairs of eyes swirling as they read each other, mixing and pulsing.  
"Feelings don't make you weak, they make you strong."  
Lexa was captivated in the other woman's gaze, staring intently. She was lost in the blue and the words burned into her mind, permanently leaving their mark as she spoke.

"Feelings give you a reason to do things. It gives you something to fight for. Something to long for." Clarke glanced downwards to Lexa's hands that were laying on top of her free hand, holding it in place. But she looked back up again and once more, locked her gaze onto Lexa's burning green stare.  
"Maybe that's something you can teach your people."

Lexa nodded in agreement before leaning in, kissing the other woman softly. Clarke returned the kiss moving her lips against Lexa's gently, still letting her hand rest on Lexa's shoulder.

Their moment was cut short however as a loud knock echoed through the room, making them separate with haste and scramble to stand up as the door opened. Lexa walked around the coffee table to stand in front of it, arms behind her back and Clarke decided the best thing to do was to follow suit and stand beside her just as Titus entered. He wore a stern look on his face and shot a disapproving glare at Clarke before looking at Lexa.

"I didn't know you had a visitor, Heda…" He muttered as he glanced at the blonde.  
"Whatever you have to inform me about can be heard by Wanheda as well, Titus."

Titus looked at his commander like she was crazy but then gave a small nod.

"The Sky People have arrived, Heda. They are in the Great Hall." He said. Clarke's eyes widened. Of course, she knew that they had been invited to discuss joining the coalition, but she had forgotten about it with all that had happened. She had almost believed that it was almost cancelled in some way.

Lexa nodded at the new information.  
"Very well. Tell them we'll be there soon. Supply them with food, they've had a long journey. They shall be treated as any other clan." Lexa ordered. Titus gave another nod and muttered a low 'Sha, Heda' under his breath as he left, leaving the women alone once more.

Clarke took a deep and shaky breath, one that Lexa noticed. The brunette looked at her worriedly. She knew Clarke had run away because she couldn't stand to even look at the people whom she had saved, to whom she had killed for. She knew how the mere look at them reminded her of what she had done to keep them alive.

"Are you ready to do this?" Lexa asked, turning to face the blonde with her whole body.  
Clarke gave a small not and met Lexa's eyes again.

"... Let's meet my people."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go! All seven chapters! I hope you are enjoying it so far, more will come... My plan is to post on or before every Sunday every week. Last week I missed the deadline because stuff happened, but anyways... Thank you for reading. Tell me what you thought of it, any type of criticism will be very much appreciated and also send some love to my Beta/Editor, bottledupdreams on FanFiction.Net and I shall see you next sunday. Have a good one and Cye!


	8. UPDATE

Hello everyone!

I'm here to sadly inform you that there will be no update for this fic this week. There are three reasons for this:

1\. -I'm sick and have headaches 90% of the time

2\. -I've been busy studying for upcoming exams

3\. -My internet has been bothering me.

In case you want more info(why would you), read below.

1- Do I really need to explain this one? I'm sick and can't do much...

2- I have two major Math Exams this next week and to be honest, I'm awful at maths so studystudystudy.

3- Internet has been really slow and also been cutting out for hours each day, I'm happy it's up right now so I can give you guys an update at least.

Now again, I'm sorry. I've started working some with the next chapter, but I won't be able to get it out there until next week. I'll try and make it up to you.

Cye and Have a good one!


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